Life is Happening

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

 

We are slowly becoming our parents—the ones we once heard tiptoeing in the early hours of the morning to pray over their children. We are slowly becoming the village elders in committees, whether for weddings or burials. We are slowly becoming the event organizers at our friends’ weddings, baby showers, and, sadly, their funerals.

Sometimes, we are so busy chasing paper that we don’t take a moment to breathe and realize—we are aging. Whether we do so gracefully or not is entirely up to us.

I sit down and realize: I am the parent now. When everyone is told to go to their mums, two little humans will follow me. I am responsible for them. I am responsible for myself. Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about life, seasons, and moments. Looking at our parents and grandparents, I know I will be there someday. And it got me thinking—what kind of life do I want to live? What present moments do I want to fully embrace?

One of my desires was to have my master’s degree by the time I turned 30. But joke’s on me—I was nursing babies, dealing with weight struggles, battling imposter syndrome, trying to figure out my life. My skin aged, so I am not getting older again (pun intended). It wasn’t until I turned 30 that I found the light again. I will get my master's degree slightly before 40, a decade later. Did I sometimes wish I could turn back time? Yes. But here I am, slaying my goals and ticking them off one by one. Because when you allow yourself to live in the present and let go of the things you cannot change, you begin to become the best version of yourself. When you allow yourself to heal from the pain intentionally, something changes from the inside.

I know I cannot turn back time to 18. If I could, I’d make different choices. I’d probably be in a different space. But here I am, and instead of dwelling on the past, I think about the person I want to be in my 70s. I know my experiences have shaped the person I am. 

I see myself as a slaying granny—maybe not in heels, but definitely thriving. I wonder if my tattoos will shrink into a different image, (From a butterfly to something like a stinging nettle-thafai. Lol) but I am manifesting traveling, enjoying life with my man, celebrating my children's wins, welcoming my grandchildren over, living in a ranch, money working for me, drinking supplements. I hope I will still have my teeth, lol. I want to be in good physical, mental, financial, and spiritual health. And because I have a vision for my future, I must be intentional about my present.

I cannot go back to my early 20s, let alone my childhood. That realization is both a relief and a little terrifying. But it also gives me clarity. I am not yet in my future, but I have hope for it. I have my present. I have now. I will only visit my past to learn patterns and pick up lessons. I will show up in my present to do things right.

With age comes wisdom (well, for most people), and with wisdom comes the realization that we must do things differently. Our stories shape us, break us, before building us if they ever do. But no matter our successes or failures, we cannot go back—we can only focus on the present and build the future.

Let go of the burden of how they treated you. Let go of the desire to go back and fix what cannot be changed. Embrace where you are, learn from it, and move forward. Heal, because your innate desire is to belong. Do not carry burdens into your old age—they will be too heavy, and people will grow tired of carrying them for you. And damn, that’s a sad way to live.

Make tiny tiny goals to accumulate to a bigger success. Go get that degree. Learn that skill. Stop making excuses. Hit the gym and eat right—yes, you! Stop saying you’ll faint when you start working out. Work on yourself. Build relationships with intention. No one is coming to save you. You’ve got you. You have now. 

Make better choices. Stop dwelling in the past. Become a better parent, a present one. Become a better partner. Live. Love. Travel. Step out of your hometown. Learn. You have the present—use it wisely as you manifest the future.

We need to desire a future where our children don’t have to worry about us when we grow old. If the bible is anything to live by, it speaks of leaving an inheritance for our children and our children’s children—let’s work toward that. Break patterns. Go for therapy. Heal. Build your community.

I do not want to imagine you retiring only to keep three goats for company because there’s nothing else to look forward to. I do not want to imagine you growing old alone or ending up in a nursing home because your children abandoned you—your bitterness over a divorce from 30 years ago pushing them away or you were a father who went out drinking, philandering and only came back home after retirement. I do not want to imagine you sitting in your 80s, drowning in regret over lost opportunities from your 40s. That instead of enjoying rest, you are still hawking just to survive.

I am not saying everything will be perfect—none of us know the future. But we know who holds the future. So what can you do with your present? What choices do you need to make differently?

We are growing older. Soon—if not already—you’ll be the parent at prayer day, then one of your daughter introduces you to her boyfriend. One day, your children will leave home, and you’ll face the quiet of an empty nest.

Start preparing now. Reconnect with yourself. Revisit your hobbies. Live fully. Make those choices 

Because life is happening—whether you’re ready or not.