Now that you know, be different. The pressure of awakening is the realization that you cannot continue living like you do. It is the realization that you are the cycle breaker in the family and you need you. It is the realization that you are disrupting a pattern, recognizing your own dysfunctionality and you no longer want to fit in. 

I will be honest with you. It is not easy going back and sitting with your pain but that is the beginning of liberation. You cannot fix it if you cannot understand it. The truth is you have the most work to do for yourself and on yourself. 

Until you are willing to heal, you cannot heal. This is the first step. Most of you have already normalized your unhealthy lives and see it as okay. I have heard people say, 'this is how we are, we cannot change.' STOP. That is not how you are, that is how you were conditioned, that is your defense mechanism. 

That is why there is a need to unlearn, relearn and learn. Therapy is key. The investment made on self is never a waste. Invest in you. This will actually be the motivating factor. In my line of work, I have found those who have purposed to be in therapy, make tremendous progress. Allow yourself to heal through the process. Stop giving yourself deadlines that you must have healed by a certain date or heal like someone else. Why? Because the healing journey is different for different people. Trauma and socialization are different for all of us. Some of us have to heal from numerous sexual abuse from caregivers, some need to heal from negative remarks, others need to heal using sex as a defense mechanism. Some need to heal from the shouting and the trauma inflicted. We all are healing. It is your journey. Heal at your own pace. 

In the process of therapy, you realize you need to forgive yourself for thinking something is wrong with you. You let go of the negative patterns and you begin learning. 

I also realized that breaking the cycle takes courage, but it needs you. In simpler terms, this is a journey you might have to go solo. Why? Because of our normalization, we think everything is okay and are fixated on that. 

Stop harboring self-limiting beliefs. You were not born a failure. What happened to you made you believe and think something is wrong with you. 

Live, Love, Laugh. 

Pick that phone, seek help and meet with your therapist. The beginning of your safe space. 

I cannot wait to see you walking towards the person you were meant to be, living in your purpose and letting go of the baggage that you were not supposed to carry. I cannot wait for you to see how you are beautiful and worth it. Walk the journey. Heal yourself and the next generation 

Two years ago, I booked in sessions for therapy. My therapist would give me assignments and there are days I thought she had something against me because I had to face the past. I had to sit down with my pain and have a conversation. I had to sit with my joy and laugh my ass out. Boy, I had an interesting life. I learned that going back was easier said than done but it was necessary to learn, unlearn and relearn and also moments to affirm myself. Now, I realize I had to go back to heal. 

Last week, I asked us to go back to our origin and find who we really are and our patterns. I hope you did. Remember we said we are living life intentionally. I hope you noticed the patterns. For some it was a walk in the park, they had healthy families with good values and of course manageable issues and to some, it was opening a wound that they thought I had healed or the realization they were living a lie. 

Our backgrounds have made and shaped us and have also broken us. In your treasure hunt to find your background, there were some findings. Some realized that they had present caregivers who loved and affirmed them when growing up. Some were listened to, given audience, and in case of correction, it was done in love and not a world war. They saw their parents loving each other. This kind grew up with confidence and have healthier relationships with themselves and others. 

Then, there are others whose backgrounds show nothing but pain. They were shown how unworthy they were. They knew the world was against them at a young age and something was wrong. They picked negative energies from the environment. Raised in abusive families, abuse was normalized and hence sticking in wrong relationships because they do not know any better. Anything is allowed in their lives or should I say your life. Yes, you because I am talking to you. Life is just avoid. You have turned out to be a people pleaser because growing up, you had to go out of your way to get attention from your caregivers. You have developed trust issues and a negative defense mechanism. Some of you cannot buy yourself a coffee or take yourself out because you grew up being told it is being selfish. Others come first, so you have deprived yourself to become relevant for others. 

And, right now you are raising your child in the same toxic environment, wounded but with no idea that you are sick and the patterns continue. 

Some of you treat women like trash and see nothing wrong with it because that is how you were taught. Some ladies are looking for 'wababa or dzaddy' to fill the void of an absentee father who you think left because of you. 

Honestly, I do not blame some of our parents. Because that is how they were raised. They raise you how they were raised. They did not know any better. I do not blame you for how you turned out like shouting at your children and guilt-tripping them. I do not blame you for sitting in an abusive marriage because that is the kind of love you saw, witnessed, and knew it was the way but you deserve it. But now, you know better, you do better, right?

Healing is your responsibility. It is time to sit with the pain and face it. It is time to heal and realize your worth. It is time to break the patterns. It is time to know that your children are not a retirement scheme, a time to let go of the baggage and create new patterns, and a time to say enough is enough. You cannot keep doing the same thing and expect different results. 

I am tempted to say, 'kama si sasa, ni sasa hivi' It has nothing to do with politics. It has to do with making our lives different. 

But honestly, we show up for others, you need to show up for yourself. You cannot keep bleeding on your children, partner, and pet. Healing is an intentional journey. 

Sit down with the pain and notice how it has affected and changed you. 

Take action. Next week, we learn how to take action and heal ourselves. Heal from trauma and safeguard our mental wellbeing. I applaud you for the steps you have made. 

I know a majority of us have taken time to write resolutions and things we want to manifest and achieve. It is not bad; I highly recommend that. However, aren’t you tired of the same patterns of life that keep holding you back, derail and delay you?

Like my daughter, I will ask you, ‘what is beyond your grandmother.’ What is your origin? What have you inherited from your family? What are your family patterns, the good and the bad? How do you name your children? Was there love in your family or anger in your family that even the devil fears your clan?

There are so many patterns we get from our history, background.

I desire to live differently and pass it to my generation. I hope it is your story too. For this to happen, sometimes, it means going back to before your own birth. To be different, you need to be different.

I have heard people say how their family is full of thieves, other scholars, some dysfunctional. I want us to start a journey of self-awareness and discovery. I want us to change our family story by looking back. If there is anything you owe yourself, it is to build a different life. If anger came from your generation, anger does not need to trickle down to your next generation. If love, peace, mercy, joy were experienced from the first generation by all means let it trickle down to the next one. By all means, let light keep shining.

For the next few days, I want us to take a journey back and reflect on the history. Go back to your family, ask questions, check out pictures and family albums. Ask your relatives if they are still alive, about the history of your family. Where did they live? What levels of education did they achieve? What kind of upbringing did they have? What values were instilled in your family? Did the marriages last? Were they monogamous or polygamous? When did the relatives die and where were they buried? Note all the patterns, the good and not so good. EVERYTHING. I know we are busy making ends meet. But I also know we all have an innate desire to do things differently. After that, sit down and reflect on the things you have received from your family and you have passed down to your children. Look out at how the events have made you who you are now? Are you happy or sad? Do you want to pass it down to your generation and I will see you next week?

Life is beyond your grandmother and her name. It is what you went through that makes you who you are now. You are only going to your past, not to change things because you cannot, but to see how you have been affected and change your life now.

It is 2022, be intentional, grow and glow. It is the year we sit down with our emotions and face them. It is the year we stop hating our cousins for reasons known best by our great grandparents. It is the year we purpose to be different. The negative chains end with us. Over the next few months, I will poke you to take action.

Until you realize the power of knowing what to let in you, you might as well feed yourself with everything that comes your way. 

The principle of GIGO( Garbage In, Garbage Out) applies so much in our lives. 

We think we are the coolest people who cannot be shaken by anything, have it all under control, only to be slapped on our faces with some form of reality that you do not probably have everything under control. 

What are you feeding yourself? Is it healthy? Is it adding nutrients to your life? Is it adding value?

Who are you feeding on? Where are you feeding from? 

Your mind should be guarded at all times because that is the gateway of everything. Right now more than ever, you should be alert in guarding your mind not just for your sanity but peace and clarity. 

In a global village, where we can get everything we want, that is the right time to take a pause and ask ourselves is it worth me opening doors to let something in?

Maybe, we do not realize that some of us are so negative because of what they let in their gateways. 

It is ironic, how a woman spends sleepless nights in prayers and fasting, praying for a husband yet what she spends the most time on, are posts about how men are dogs, liars, heart breakers, idiotic people who cannot see any good in a woman and you wonder. Is your man being created and will fall from heaven or are you praying for a better dog? 

You have fed yourself with garbage from yourself and others of how you cannot make it. You have put limitations and tags on yourself. I have spoken to people who have great potential in them but they already have the tag, 'I am not good enough. Zippy, this I know I cannot do it.' This was my story too. I will speak of it one day. When garbage comes in, that is the only thing that is in you and it will come out because you can only give what you have. 

I have learned over time that I can only control what I think of myself and not what others think of me. With this, I have slowly changed the narrative. It is a journey, seek progress, not perfection. Maybe it is time you reflect and be true to yourself? What am I allowing to get into my system? Do I need to deal with some past so that I can be in control of what I am allowing in my life? Unless you change what you allow in your system, it is going to be the same all old story. Unless you know the power of what to let in, you will feed yourself with everything that will drain you and ultimately finish you and everything that is in you. 

Oh, and maybe it is time you log out of social media. I feel like the old days were better. It was not as toxic as what we have now. But will you die if you leave those WhatsApp groups that are feeding you with negative energy? Could it be you need to deal with your FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)? Imagine, you would not die or even faint if you decided to let go of some things, it would bring you sanity. It would help you guard your heart, mind, and life. People will find it easier to drag you in their negativity than tell you they are toxic and need help. Ultimately, you become who you associate yourself with. 

Right now, it needs us more than ever to be selfish with what we let in our lives. It causes us to be firm with what and who we allow in our space. It needs us to make bold decisions to block some things and people for our sake. It needs me and you to have a reflection. It is time to clean that garbage and change to entry points. It is time. 

Enjoy the month of April. May good tidings come your way. 

 Our experiences shape who we are, how we act and interact with others.

Every woman has a story. It could be the painful story of losing someone you loved or realizing after three years that you were in a relationship with yourself. Now it sounds funny but there was a time it put you down and made you feel unworthy. 

The husband that cheated on you and after being caught he pretended for a week and went back to his ways. He was just sorry he got caught.

Your work is like a battlefield. You have to go the extra mile to prove that being a woman is not a limitation. 

I mean, we have so many experiences that have put us on the edge.

These and so much have led to you believing that you always have to be on the move proving something. You have to prove that you are beautiful, worthy, intelligent. You do not have time to relax or slow down. Always on the move. 

Because of the pain and hurts you believe that things have to be well defined from the word go. You keep pushing people away because you believe that nothing they say is true. You have been used to being lied to that you would rather believe the lies than the truth.

Sometimes, because fear resides in you, you believe that you have to be the one leading relationship. It is your way or the highway. 

You get startled when someone treats you right and you feel like there is a hidden agenda.

You are used to people not showing up such that when one shows up you are not sure how to react. You think something is off.

But, girl, relax. One, never let a crisis go to waste, learn from it. Discover yourself.

Learn that in this world, we are all running our race, run at your speed and design, you could choose to walk, crawl or run, what matters is you are moving.

Slow down. It is in our silence that we are rejuvenated and the direction gets clearer. Remember, you cannot save the world on your own so do not kill yourself trying. 

When you know your worth, you will realize you do not have to fight with anyone who throws a stone at you.

Believe you deserve better and you will attract better. Do not settle for less. And when you are treated right, do not be afraid because you deserve it, you are worth it. 

Girl, I hope you stop dwelling in the past. Look at it this way, your experiences molded you, pick the lessons, and grow yourself.

After your story, I hope you know that you are stronger than you think, I hope you know you deserve better and made for greatness.

She looks at herself in the mirror,

Wondering just when she lost her beauty when she gave up on herself.

She looks at herself and realizes the glow she once had was long gone, the spark in her eyes lost.

She sees how frail her hands are, the wrinkles that are slowly but surely settling in.

She turns back and sees the scars that cover her back. Scars that were as a result of pain inflicted by the one who claimed he loved her. Maybe we need to find the real meaning of love or did it change and we never got the memo.

She remembers the choice she made wishing she could turn back. She has already formed a jury that has condemned her for life.

She feels her breathe though not as before but it wakes within her the dreams she had.

Dear Woman, this world is for you to conquer. You may be down but not done.

I know there are tears that you have cried for years. You remember the unkept promises, the lies shared and the truth untold. 

You are thinking of the times you have had to fake a smile to avoid the questions of, 'what is happening to you?' without getting help.

I know the times you have had to fake a stomachache so that your children would feed on the last meal.

Dear Woman, I know you have had to endure beatings every day because you were not sure of what people would say but then again abuse had been normalized and that felt okay.

I know of the pain of walking for hours in search of a job and how you had to put aside your pride and degree to do 'odd jobs' to put food on the table.

There are days you had to fight for your space in a masculine world that had looked down on you.

Lest I forget, there were days you barely slept because you had to submit assignments and had a 3month old baby to breastfeed. The assignments could drain you. But, you passed with distinctions. You are such an iron lady.

Oh, woman, you have gone through life's terrain, those that could assist and push you to your next level were just wolves in the making. It was conditional help yet they pledged in public how they would help unconditionally.

But dear woman, it is the experience that shaped you. 

Fighting for the spaces that you deserve even when others did not feel so.

Woman, stop downplaying your life. Rise. 

Through it all you have conquered, conquering and you will conquer. 

Now, look at yourself, dry away those tears, embrace the scars, they are just but a reminder of what you have overcome.

Fight for those spaces.

Do not settle for less. If respect is not served at your table then leave.

Allow lessons from yesterday's experiences to guide you, enjoy the gift of today, and plan for tomorrow. Look back and see where you have come from and look to the future and see the world you need to conquer. Then, begin taking steps towards the price.

Dear woman, you are worth more than you think, more than your conditions and circumstances, struggles and pain.

If you can be patient with others, be nice to yourself. You are doing a great job picking up yourself.

There is so much in you that needs to be tapped into.

Love yourself, take care of yourself. 

When you look at yourself in the mirror, speak to the beautiful girl that you see, yes beautiful with wrinkles on the face or not, fallen soldiers or not, curvaceous or otherwise. That girl cannot continue to be despised, she needs to be up. She deserves to see, experience, live, love, and be loved by the best. 

Do not feel you are too old or too young, dear woman, you can still glow and grow, speak life.

 

Over the weekend, my friends and I went for a hike that stretched us and proved to us that we were unfit to some extent.

It started all easy, with a diva kind of attitude that we were here to show the world we were not the weaker flesh but we would conquer the challenge.

Going down the caldera pushed us out of our comfort zone and ignite our creative minds to see how we would go down without hurting ourselves while still maintaining some level of sanity.

Our guide for the day told us how amazing we were and we needed to push ourselves for the home stretch. 

My troupe and I were excited to hear those words but that is where everything changed.

The final lap seemed like forever. We started complaining of how it was a bad idea to use the route, imagining the flying doctors needed to come to our rescue. Others swore they would never try anything crazy in their lives.

The home stretch felt like torture, punishment and it was getting tougher.

It was now everyone for himself and God for us all. It was either you climb up or climb up.

Some went ahead of others and crossed the finish line first.

Others waited on those that were behind albeit for moral support.

We could hear shouts from those who were up cheering us on to push.

When we felt discouraged, we looked behind to see just how far we had come from. There was no motivation but determination. 

We even had short term goals to move from one shrub to another. We were not eyeing the top but rather the next shrub. This worked magic.

When we finally got to the top at different times I could not help but wonder how our lives are sometimes like the home stretch in our hike.

Where are you now in life? Are you in your final lap before victory?

Could it be that your business, organization, or career is about to get its breakthrough? 

Could it be your long-awaited dream is about to be fulfilled?

Could it be the wayward child you have constantly prayed for to come back home is closer than you think but you are almost giving up?

Could it be that you need to let go of something but fear has gripped your soul and when you are almost leaving, you think otherwise?

Are you in your home stretch?

I picked a few lessons from my hike that I kept reflecting on and could relate to my life.

Sometimes, it is in our home stretch that we are pushed and broken to be refined.

I felt like giving up but I knew it is either I climb to the top or I climb to the top or else I would have died. I learned in life, there are days motivation won't work but determination would.

I looked back from where I came from and I moved some steps ahead. Sometimes, look back from where you have come from and realize just how strong you are and push yourself a few steps in front. 

We got to the finish point at different points and that's how life is. We have different journies and our breakthroughs are not the same but we all pushed to the finish line. 

Those that got ahead cheered those who were behind. Don't be angry when others go ahead of you, it is their voices that will give hope. That, if they made it you could also make it.

I know what it means to struggle in life, give up and lose it. I know how the home stretch feels like a lifetime. I understand how it can get draining and it is easy to give up just when the breakthrough is about to happen. But I also know the joy of finally getting to the finish line. You forget all the pains, frustration and you can only hug your victory.

Hold on, victory, breakthrough, the gain is just around the corner for you to embrace. 

The business growth you wanted, the relationship you deserve, and desire, everything is just at the finish line but trust the process. Enjoy the home stretch. It is just one more mountain but you will get there.

Three weeks into the year and hopefully it is will well with your soul. For some, the written resolutions are the road map. For others, they will just flow with what comes.

Regardless, I still hope you carry every day with intentionality. You have got to be intentional in how you live and that is why maybe we should pause, reflect, and make some changes.

What baggages are you carrying? What baggages are heavy on you. Some of us are already tired and it is the first month of the year. You are taking painkillers for other's headaches. Life is already tasting bitter.

What is in your circle of influence? What concerns you and can take control.

You are responsible for your behavior. You are responsible for your attitude. If your attitude is bad, it is up to you. The consequences of the actions you made are on you.

You can influence who will be in your circle of friends and who needs to be out.

Take some time and reflect, what are you trying to carry that is beyond you and maybe does not concern you.

Could it be you feel like you can change the weather patterns?

Oh, do you want to control someone's behaviors or attitudes towards you? 

What others decide to do is on them.

Take time to do your analysis of things going on in your life and what you can change. You will realize you have so much to work on you that you do not have time to focus on other's problems.

See, until you realize you are not a demigod and a superman You will try fixing everyone and everything.

Others' baggage will drain you completely until you become bitter with yourself because you feel as if you are not doing enough.

It is still too early in the year to let circumstances and people steal your joy.

You cannot control the weather, dress appropriately otherwise you will be the mother of all complainants wondering why it is raining in January. 

You cannot control traffic and how other drivers act on the road but you can control your attitude. Maybe the traffic is there to help you realize you need to slow down and relax and see what is around you.

Stop allowing yourself to be the carrier of everything that is thrown on you. It is okay to know that there are things beyond you and you can do nothing about. It is okay to know that some chapters are good but not worth opening. It is better to know what matters to you and what you can do to guard your space and peace. What is your circle of influence? 

You have kept complaining and narrating how life is unfair, how everything works against your favor.

You are waiting for the perfect opportunity to get a perfect job.

You are waiting to have a million bucks to start the business, enjoy life.

But everyday time flies and the truth is, it gets closer to you going for retirement where you will have to rest your bones.

But, you know what, you do not have to wait for the perfect moment.

You are living a frustrated life because of that.

What is in your hand? What do you have to make life better?

Start with that.

You have control over your attitude, are you using this? What do you tell yourself when you wake up? Do you tell yourself you will conquer the world or do you count your problems naming them one by one? Your attitude will not get rid of the troubles but it will help you know how to handle them. 

What skill do you have? It doesn't have to be perfect, no, it just needs to be a skill that you can use. Stop looking down on the skill because you feel it is not good enough. Use it to push you to the next level. If used wisely, it can push you to great heights.

Do not be ashamed of your story, your scars that have you are there to remind you what you have. Will power, resilience, strength. Tell your story.

Your network is net worth. Do you have a network of people? People who believe in you when you do not, those who hold your hands and tell you of your worth. What more do you need?

Could it be what you have will light your path yet you do not notice it?

Could it be it is time to fill your basket with what you have and other things that will be added to it?

Again, what do you have?

Can you breathe? What more do you need. You have everything you need. You have a chance to be who you are and achieve what you want. 

Stop looking at what you do not have and focus on what you have. You will be surprised just how much is within your reach to push you to the next level. It may not be packaged how you want it but you still have something. Use it.

Count your blessings

Happy New Year and Welcome to 2021.

This will just be business as usual, usual days and year, normal times unless you change your mindset. This is where you will begin winning.

Whether you wrote your resolutions or not, I hope you find this year to be successful as you desire. And, most importantly, this year is when you purpose on being intentional. Intentional on leaving your mediocre ways of life, settling for less than you deserve, and pushing yourself to be who you were created to be.

I hope you will not settle on the past. Last year will be written down in mankind's history but the events should not allow you to be crippled with fear for you to stop living. Rise above and focus on your goals. Do not focus on past victories. This will fill you with pride and ego while making you feel settled and not push yourself to more victories. It is gone, create more victories.

Realize, you cannot save the entire world. Do not carry the whole burden. Do what you can, go home and rest.

Do not doubt yourself for a single day. Do not doubt your beauty, worth, and resilience. You are just enough the way you, stop breaking your backs to fit into someone's lives. Do not force yourself where you are not needed. Learn when to fight and when to walk away.

After all, is said and done, the family is important. Be intentional in being present for your children. Stop being an absentee parent who gives a present to fill the void. Be the present. Learn your children, create memories, and love them. You are their first teacher.

Create time for your spouse, let go of the stupid egos we hide behind. He should call first, he should forgive first, she should understand me first and sacrifice for us. Love that man, love that woman. Rewrite your love story and change your narrative.

Stop pretending to be all-loving because the children are going back to school and once they are off your house is a battlefield. Don't be hell-bent on always being right. Fight from the same camp and not against each other.

It is going to be a busy year, rebuilding and picking up pieces from what has been termed as a lost year. The screams and voices will be too loud but take time to rest and be in touch with yourself. Learn to listen to the voice of your body on when to stop, refresh, or go on. 

Live every day, not when there is plenty or when having hearty laughter. Truth is, some days you will feel like the world is fighting you, but still live. Do not wait for the perfect moment to enjoy life. Do it every day.  Now is the perfect moment.

Stop being stagnant with life. Push yourself out of the comfort zone. Read a book. In this year, stop with minimal prompts, the likes of mmmhh, ahaa, wow because you cannot contribute to a conversation. Read a book, not just Facebook, grow intellectually. Grow in a changing world. Learn a new skill. Build yourself.

Stop having a boring life. Enjoy it even solo. Break the routine, get in touch with the child in you, laugh like crazy, climb the mountains, dance in the rain, travel. Do not wait for others to define you and what an exciting life should be. Define it by yourself but by all means, enjoy life.

Connect with the supreme spiritual being to guide you. Stop leaving life as if you own your life and it is the alarm that wakes you up.

In 2021, write your own story, you have every day to do so. Change the narrative from I cannot to I am damn capable of doing so. From I am not fitting to I was created to stand out 

A few days ago, I was clearing my emails. I had like 24 unread emails. I cleared all of them but one. I kept clicking the previous button but I still could not find that one unread mail. 

It took almost one hour to click the previous button to find the unread mail with no success.

That 1 unread mail notification still bothered me a lot. But, I realized I was now reading 2018 emails and still had not found the unread email. I was frustrated because I had wasted one hour with no luck. 

It got me thinking about real-life scenarios. There are times, things we have not found closure on, scars that are a reminder of past experiences, and memories will always keep popping. 

I believe it is important to make peace with our past otherwise it will haunt you. But life has taught me, to make peace there are things I would have to face head-on and there are things that I would have to live with the scars because there is nothing much that can be done.

So, what are you digging into? Is it worth it? Will it add any value? Will it make you a better person?

Human beings are restless until everything is fixed and perfect but the reality is, things won't always work how we want them to.

We waste precious moments trying to dig in the past, not in search of answers but pity party.

We try digging into it with the fallacy that we can turn back time but end up getting frustrated.

Sometimes, we dig into things that were never ours to bother with, in the first place. 

What is your unread mail notification?

My time searching for the unread mail made me realize, there are paths better left unknown. I have made peace with the unread mail notification. I will never know what it was because I dug into my emails for the longest time without an answer. I may not reply to an email after maybe 2years.

It does not bother me anymore, not because I am superwoman but because I have realized there is nothing much I can do about it but also it came in with a lesson, I need to read my emails often to avoid the anxiety of digging into mails for hours with no success.

It is the same thing with life. The reason why keep digging into the past is that we felt it was right at that time to blanket the circumstance for later but we forgot about it and years later, it has popped. 

Instead of digging into things years later,  deal with them in the present. Do not wait to dig into the anxiety, pain, and even joy when you notice the notification pop up. You may never get the answer and the joy may be stale.

Choose what to dig into and if it is not worth it make peace with it.

Not everything is worth digging into. Make your choice.

Happy Holidays. See you in 2021.

2020 has been a crazy year for most of us if not all of us. It began with new year's resolutions and hopes. Then, the pandemic struck. But it has been an amazing year for some. 

Businesses blossomed and profits accelerated. 

Some couples rekindled their love and got to know each other afresh. Others got married. The pandemic could not stop them. It wasn't the usual ululations from the villagers and strangers but love still won.

It was a time for self-reflection.

The coiling back to the house gave time off the busy world to think through things, to get in touch with self and our surroundings.

To others, life stopped. Jobs and businesses crumbled. Some went through grief and loss. Loss of jobs loved ones, relationships, identity. The stigma related to the pandemic was real. The effects so heavy, it will take time to adjust to them.

2020 is coming to an end and while we have been thrown off balance, the world is shaken will we lament and complain or will we pick lessons to learn from? I choose the latter.

I hope you have learned to value the present. I hope you have learned to enjoy life as it is. There is no perfect time. It just needs you.

I hope you learned the value of silence and self-time. While it is good to give your all, it is important to be in your own space to listen to yourself, rest and connect with yourself.

Family and true friends are for keeps. I wish you let go of your egoistic nature and pride and decided to value the MIP, Most Important Persons. 

There will never be a perfect time to start pursuing your dreams, plans. The best time is now.

While at it, I hope you learned nothing is cast on stone. You can still maintain your goals and use different strategies to approach them and you can also change your goal and not get criminalized for it.

I surely hope that you learned, life is too short to hold on to bitterness, grudges, and anger. Oh, I know they hurt you, but it is too much baggage. Let it go. And, while letting it go, I hope you learned to be selfish with yourself in a good way, to have boundaries but most importantly to love you and be your cheerleader. 

I hope you also learned that life is beautiful, sometimes it is important to slow down and pause, enjoy the wind, the sunrise, and the sunset. You do not have to be on the move every time. 

In a nutshell, I hope you learned life may not always be good but has good lessons to learn from. I hope you know it is a bad moment, not a bad life.

I believe you had a paradigm shift to understand we all have our lanes, some will thrive in the darkest night others will thrive in broad light. Don't compare. You are unique.

2020 has been a good year because we survived and we will live to tell our stories.

 Two days to your fortieth birthday and you still have not built your dream house and you now feel like a failure.

The tall dark and handsome man you thought would cross your path might have been confused and forgot and now you are defined as a senior bachelorette. You are now willing to allow any Tom, Dick, and Harry to date you. You remember the abusive ex and you now justify that he would do it once a month and that's manageable.

You have been trying to grow your business the right way, with no shortcuts but the struggle is real and you now want to give up.

At 30 years you have struggled to get your degree but now you feel old and do not think there is an opportunity to actualize that dream. 

You have gotten the courage to leave an abusive relationship but you feel your life is wasted and do not want to keep living. You feel like all your peers have gone ahead with life and wonder.

I feel you because I understand how frustrating it can be that your plans do not work as expected.

Nobody wants their plans to fail.

Still in 2020, with the pandemic, there is the pressure that your year's resolutions are statements in writing.

There's nothing much that you have done. All your plans have been disorganized.

But pause, you are stronger than you think, greater than you can imagine. All you need is to re-strategize but it begins with this understanding. Not everything will work as planned but that does not make you less of a human being.

Take time to understand if the things that you desire are intrinsically motivated or you are flowing with the wave. 

Understand it is okay to re-strategize. Nothing is fixed on stone. You do not have to continue being a sad administrator while you feel you can be a great social worker. Careers can be changed anytime. 

Avoid external pressure from individuals who feel like you are answerable to them and now reduce you to a statistics of people who are not doing enough.

As the year, comes to an end, take some time out and reflect on what worked well and what was not achieved.

Do it your way. Sometimes you win some, and sometimes you lose some.

You can still go back to school at 40. Pursue something that you love

You can still find love. Maybe it is time to think beyond the Tall Dark and Handsome qualities that everyone wants for you but think of who would compliment you and love you for you.

There is no award for getting married at 28 years.

Travel at 60 years. Get your Ph.D. at 70. Launch your career that has stalled because you are afraid of people will think about you. Hit that gym and tone your muscles. Go back to the drawing board and adjust to what fits you. Stop living under the shadows of others. They will suffocate you.

Rip off the goals you had written five years ago and, write new ones that you feel led and know you want to achieve. Life keeps evolving, desires change, goals, and aspirations too. Do not get fixated

Go back to the drawing board. You can be everything and anything you want to be at any age.

Live life unafraid, at your own pace, and enjoy every bit of it. Stop comparing your life. You have your journey and story. Embrace it to the fullest. Life does not start at 40, it starts now

So many times we complain about how people mistreat us, how they never put our feelings into consideration. 

We sometimes complain that people do not understand us. Other times, we complain about people not realizing our potential and never sharing opportunities.

But, do you realize people are not mind readers to know what you want every time? 

Your silence has led you into living in bitterness because you are angry at people and unfulfilled desires. 

Until you speak, people will never know you are going through a rough patch and need someone to walk the journey with.

Until you speak, people will walk on you, because you will never stand for yourself. Some have normalized abuse because of your silence. You have even begun blaming yourself for the abuse, 'it is not them, it is me.'

Opportunities will pass you. Not because you are not good but because you have not spoken of your assets, strengths, and capabilities. Never shy off from sharing your achievements. Speak them out because from there you get more opportunities. Speak for yourself because you are your ambassador.

Until you speak, you will never get that woman you want. Stop assuming that the lunch dates have spoken on your behalf. You will cry foul and say all women are gold diggers when she invites to her wedding. Speak your intentions.

If you never speak, they may never see how much they hurt you. They will think you deserve to be treated that way because they have been treating others in a certain manner. They will pretend they do not understand how you could get hurt. You know what they will do, they will keep on hurting you. With your silence, you showed them how to be treated.

If you never speak, there is a community that will never realize what justice is. The politicians and fake leaders will ride on their silence, perpetrators will be roaming in the community while they need to be locked in for several years, widows will lose their inheritance because they have no one to fight for their rights, girls will grow up hating men because of the rape ordeals. Boys will grow up wounded because they were never treated right.

Sometimes, we speak for our sake because we are tired, other times we speak on behalf of others, the voice of the voiceless. Either way, to bring a difference, to realize a change we have to speak.

Could it be that you have been silent for long? I hope you speak for yourself and on behalf of others today. While you speak, I hope you get someone to not just hear you but listen. While you speak I hope you find someone who believes to walk with you instead of being a running mouth. I hope the situation changes. May your voice make you be treated better, get opportunities, boost your esteem, and bring justice where it is needed.

When we crossed over to 2020, we all had plans, or better yet I had plans.

According to my plans, this was the year I would make it in life. From my church's theme, give me this mountain, I knew that this was my breakthrough. I had spoken to my friends who shared the same vibe. I still believe that even with everything, it is still my year.

I was elated to be in this new year. I had my vision board well figured out, my journal with some blank pages for me to scribble down my thoughts and achievements.

Until corona hit and I realized maybe, just maybe, though things would work out, it would probably not be how I had planned and in my timings. I know this is not just my story, it is a story for many of us. 

I have watched some lose their jobs, slowly slipping into depression, angry with life while entertaining a pity party.

I have watched others make the best of it and finding who they were, facing their old skeletons and fixing their crown.

But above all, I have learned the power of TODAY.

Making plans is not bad, by all means, make plans. I am a firm believer in knowing where one is headed.

But, don't forget today. We are focused more on future achievements that we forget about today. We are blind to see the baby steps and progress we have made. We are fixated on getting bigger achievements. After all, that's what that counts.

Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is a promise, today is a present.

Today, focus on loving you. Don't wait for tomorrow when you think you'll afford the best make up kit. Today, love yourself in your flaws, in your natural self. 

Today, forgive. Let go of the baggage you've carried for years. Let go of the bitterness you have carried over the years, because of the family that hurt you, the boss who was greedy to pocket your salary, the partner who left you high and dry.

Today, love on your children. Hug them tight and let them know how you love them. Yes, they can sometimes get on your nerves but you have today.

Today, stop the silly games and egoistic nature that your spouse has to apologize first or you will continue with nil by mouth. Take that phone, call your spouse and tell them how much you love them. Rekindle the love you once shared.

Today, pick up that dream you had and focus on it. You can still achieve it.

Today, do your work diligently regardless of your position. You're blessed you have that job.

Today, be an exemplary leader. Defy the odds. Be the remnant of good leadership that our world needs. Be that leader who makes a difference and leaves a positive impact.

Today, help out an individual jump to the next level without expectations because you have the power to. Stop being mean with opportunities and support.

Today, enjoy the things that you have kept on hold for a perfect time. Now is a perfect time. Dance in the rain, watch the sunset, play in the river, play some music, and dance with your two left feet.

Today, be proud of yourself that all you have done is survive through the pandemic.

When tomorrow comes, we will focus on it but today, live.

Today is the best time to do and be what you need to.

Today is all you have.

Enjoy the sunset and sunrise. Enjoy the breeze. Today is the gift you have.

There is the power of today, the sunrise gives hope that today is a new day and dawn and an opportunity. Stop waiting for tomorrow, it might as well never come. Use today.

Societal pressure has made most of us believe that something is wrong with our bodies, career, families, ambitions, and plans.

One day you're told the SI unit for beauty and attraction is being curvaceous and so the skinny girl has to do weird things like eating chicken mash to add weight and getting the supporting document.

After a few months, the trend changes, and an attractive woman is a lightweight and the same woman has to struggle to lose weight.

In the past, who was the fairest of them all? The light-skinned girl. What happened? The streets were full of women looking for bleaching agents. Some got into debts, others sold their belongings to bleach. Sadly, the knuckles remained dark. Others turned purple. True story, I saw one.

Then, Lupita a melanin girl won an award and suddenly every girl wants to be dark skin. Melanin is popping and the new fairest of them all.

Men were raised to be of character, providers, protectors but societal pressure for them is different. Some have been made to believe to be men, they need to have several women and while at it donate their seeds and flee when they germinate. Maybe this is one of the reasons for the rise in dysfunctional families because men are not taking up their responsibilities, no mentorship, and guidance. But how will you be known as the lion of your jungle if you cannot roar? Roaring in this case for the wrong reason.

You have kept on changing careers not because it is in your plan but because you have been made to believe the career you are in is not fit. You are at 50 years, retirement is ticking but still struggling to find the best career.

The struggle is real. But how about you realize you were created to stand out and not fit in.

Imagine how boring the world would be if we were all accountants, who would play music. If we were all doctors who would be the patients. You need to remember being a tailor is okay, you are a designer that dresses us. Nothing wrong with being a driver or a rider. 

Until you realize that we are all unique, you'll struggle to fit in.

Strive to be fit, not have weight determined by the crowd.

Strive to have a career that you love and consider a passion and not what is trending. Not everything is trending is right for you.

Enjoy your skin color and show up in pride because you're perfectly okay the way you are. 

Being a sperm donor to children you won't raise won't add value. Stand out by raising your family and doing right. 

 Stopping thinking of what people will say and think because after all there is joy in standing out.

Fitting in is too cumbersome and crowded and sometimes makes you go against your values.

Standing out makes you utilize all your God-given abilities, living in your purpose, and boosts your confidence.

Package yourself without fitting in.

Be that individual who stands out. Imagine how diverse, beautiful, and great the world would be if we all stood out in our uniqueness and synched our efforts. 

You have what it takes. You have you. No fingerprints are the same, even twins' just the same way you are unique. The world needs to see that.

Have a standing out month. 

The past week we lost a great man. He had so many hats to fit in. He was an administrator, Christian, mentor, counselor.

Chief Francis Kariuki, aka, tweeting chief knew his purpose. He chose to defy the odds of living an ordinary life. He chose to impact. He had his motto laid down, doing ordinary things differently, in an extraordinary way. He ensured all our homes had water filters. I sat in meetings where he was a keynote speaker and without a doubt, he was filled with wisdom. He always had some punching lines that would make your seat uncomfortable. He made people get uncomfortable living in their ordinary ways. You just had to have a paradigm shift.

One time, I had a sit down with him, close to two hours lecture where I had to share my plans and what I wanted with life. After stating all my plans, he just asked me, "How are you planning to be extraordinary?" While he shared some ideas, I had to go back to the drawing board. Though the curtains have fallen, your name still lives in us. You came and did things in a different way, you touched lives. You gave room to learn lessons that will be used in our lives. 

This got me thinking. 

What do you have in your hand? What skills do you have? What knowledge do you have? 

We live in a world where we want perfection, to have everything so that we start on our projects.

We live in a world when we want the perfect time.

We think to be perfect we have to be rich and have positions.

But what if you were meant to be where you are? What if you need to have a paradigm shift to move you to the next level?

You don't need a perfect world.

You just need to do things extraordinarily.

Be the janitor who cleans amazingly.

Be the general doctor who treats extraordinarily.

The husband/wife who loves extraordinarily. 

Take time and reflect if you are using all the normal things you have extraordinarily. 

Probably, the world will be a better place if we all went the extra mile if we used all we had to make an impact.

Maybe families will be complete, happier, loving if we went the extra mile.

Probably, our workplaces would be conducive if we did things exceptionally.

One day the curtains will fall, but I hope you will have used all you had to make an impact and that your names will be curved in our hearts and minds and not just tombstones.

 I hope you will die empty as Myles Munroe kept on saying. Use up all that you have, your gifts, and better yet go the extra mile, do it extraordinarily.

Can you breathe? Then you have something in you. It may seem ordinary but use it differently, change the world, touch lives. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is promised, you have today.

Rise.

Some life's truth: It is good to dream of a good life, desire good things in life. The other truth is unless you go for what you desire in life, it remains just that, a desire.

Each one of us has a unique desire and need so walk in your lane. Whether you come from a privileged family or not, educated or not, black or white, there is a desire to acquire, change, dispose of. 

But the difference between desire and actualizing is action.

Some have already put limitations on themselves. 

Others have written off their plans and desires because well, they seem farfetched. 

And a majority of us, have a gazillion of excuses for lack of action. 

But until you act and take chances you'll keep saying you're cursed and paying for your mother's ancestors sin. Things have happened in your family but be tired enough to break the cycle. Let it stop with you.

You'll keep blaming the world for being unfair. You'll be a whim, complaining every day. 

Are you willing to act, to pursue, or do you think things will fall on your door like manna?

Manna is no longer falling down, you've got to pursue.

Spouses won't fall down from heaven, weight loss won't just happen. Genuine degrees won't fall down like manna. Darling you have got to pursue. 

You want an hourglass figure, go work out and eat clean.

You want an education, begin by inquiring about learning institutions you can pursue your education in. Circumstances may not allow you to get a degree immediately but start with that certificate. Be proud of it. 

You want that business empire. News flash, go for it. The empire won't be dropped down. Pursue it. 

You want that fine lady for a wife, pursue her. Don't stalk, pursue her. Don't expect that she will conclude you like her. You're the man, chase her.

You want to bag a deal, sign a worthy contract, pursue it.

You want to be a renowned influencer, get out of the comfort zone, and package yourself to become one.

Unless you pursue things you want in life, they will be just things. They will be dreams and nothing more.

But how bad do you want your desires to be actualized? 

Determination and not just motivation is what will push you to pursue. 'Cause truth is there are days life will beat you, drain you and it won't make sense at all, and you'll lack motivation.

Have you written what you want on paper?

Have you started manifesting it through your words and thoughts?

Have you made plans to pursue your desire?

Do you see the possibilities or you're toxic to your own self?  You just see negativity.

No one is coming to save you, no one knows your dreams better.

No one can pursue your desires better than you.

You need to get off that bed you've stuck in for so long. 

You need to go after what you want. Keep propelling. You'll be stunned just how much progress you have made when you pursue every day.

Begin. Focus. Achieve. Do it. 

Whether you see the glass half empty or half full, you still have an opportunity to fill it up. Pursue to accomplish what you desire and fill the cup. Don't settle for less while you have the opportunity for more.

There are two instances that we are likely to forget to remember. When at the top, we are likely to forget where we come from and so easy to be filled with a monster called Pride.

When at the bottom, we are likely to forget to remember that seasons do not last forever and hence filled with bitterness.

Don't forget to remember the people who walked the journey with you to climb the ladder. I mean any kind of person. The motorbike rider who would carry you on credit for your interviews. You finally got that job. The family that was there for you, babysat your babies so you could do your final exams with ease. The ones who corrected you lovingly. The ones that never left you when you even wanted to leave yourself. 

Don't forget to remember your journey because that's your story, who you are and never be shy of that. Own it.

At your lowest, don't forget to remember that it is just a season and no season lasts forever.

Don't forget to remember the times' things have been wonderful. Don't forget to remember the lessons you have learned in your pit.

Don't forget to remember the people who were there for you when you needed them most.

Don't forget to remember to count your blessings even when there doesn't seem to be any. Are you alive? It is one blessing already.

Every individual has their own lane but it is never a smooth ride. Life is full of ups and downs. The ups and downs are what make us and build us.

Never be ashamed of where you are in life.

When you don't forget to remember, you realize that you have so many things to be grateful for, you stop the pity party, become hopeful for a new day, and begin to glow and grow. You realize, maybe, when the season shifts your story will be someone else's reason to hold on to life.

When you don't forget to remember, you will realize, life is a ripple effect, you need to pass it forward. You'll understand this world needs people who will hold others' hands and make them great. So, you'll purposefully mentor people, show people the way and you'll be one of the reasons greed will certainly reduce in the world. You'll give the world a paradigm shift that, complimenting is much better than the unnecessary competition.

But above all, don't forget to remember YOU, you are special, unique, gifted, filled with purpose. The world needs you to make it a greater place where you are. You do not need to struggle to fit in another's shoes. You perfectly fit in yours.

Don't forget to remember.