The Findings

 

Photo by Serge Kutuzov on Unsplash

Two years ago, I booked in sessions for therapy. My therapist would give me assignments and there are days I thought she had something against me because I had to face the past. I had to sit down with my pain and have a conversation. I had to sit with my joy and laugh my ass out. Boy, I had an interesting life. I learned that going back was easier said than done but it was necessary to learn, unlearn and relearn and also moments to affirm myself. Now, I realize I had to go back to heal. 

Last week, I asked us to go back to our origin and find who we really are and our patterns. I hope you did. Remember we said we are living life intentionally. I hope you noticed the patterns. For some it was a walk in the park, they had healthy families with good values and of course manageable issues and to some, it was opening a wound that they thought I had healed or the realization they were living a lie. 

Our backgrounds have made and shaped us and have also broken us. In your treasure hunt to find your background, there were some findings. Some realized that they had present caregivers who loved and affirmed them when growing up. Some were listened to, given audience, and in case of correction, it was done in love and not a world war. They saw their parents loving each other. This kind grew up with confidence and have healthier relationships with themselves and others. 

Then, there are others whose backgrounds show nothing but pain. They were shown how unworthy they were. They knew the world was against them at a young age and something was wrong. They picked negative energies from the environment. Raised in abusive families, abuse was normalized and hence sticking in wrong relationships because they do not know any better. Anything is allowed in their lives or should I say your life. Yes, you because I am talking to you. Life is just avoid. You have turned out to be a people pleaser because growing up, you had to go out of your way to get attention from your caregivers. You have developed trust issues and a negative defense mechanism. Some of you cannot buy yourself a coffee or take yourself out because you grew up being told it is being selfish. Others come first, so you have deprived yourself to become relevant for others. 

And, right now you are raising your child in the same toxic environment, wounded but with no idea that you are sick and the patterns continue. 

Some of you treat women like trash and see nothing wrong with it because that is how you were taught. Some ladies are looking for 'wababa or dzaddy' to fill the void of an absentee father who you think left because of you. 

Honestly, I do not blame some of our parents. Because that is how they were raised. They raise you how they were raised. They did not know any better. I do not blame you for how you turned out like shouting at your children and guilt-tripping them. I do not blame you for sitting in an abusive marriage because that is the kind of love you saw, witnessed, and knew it was the way but you deserve it. But now, you know better, you do better, right?

Healing is your responsibility. It is time to sit with the pain and face it. It is time to heal and realize your worth. It is time to break the patterns. It is time to know that your children are not a retirement scheme, a time to let go of the baggage and create new patterns, and a time to say enough is enough. You cannot keep doing the same thing and expect different results. 

I am tempted to say, 'kama si sasa, ni sasa hivi' It has nothing to do with politics. It has to do with making our lives different. 

But honestly, we show up for others, you need to show up for yourself. You cannot keep bleeding on your children, partner, and pet. Healing is an intentional journey. 

Sit down with the pain and notice how it has affected and changed you. 

Take action. Next week, we learn how to take action and heal ourselves. Heal from trauma and safeguard our mental wellbeing. I applaud you for the steps you have made.