Welcome to February, the month of love where a majority of women get flowers, dinners, and staycation and some men get happy socks and wallets. 

But, love with the right person is such a beautiful thing. It is a journey that fills you up instead of draining, compliments, and makes you a better person. However, not everyone experiences this and I honestly do not blame you. 

Before speaking on how you want to be loved, have you ever considered how you love and why you do it? Our love style depends on our upbringing. Without knowledge of this, we go through internal and external fights. I will not keep you here for long. My research led me to these findings. 

Some of us were brought up in homes with an overly protective, angry, and critical parents. They were condemned left, right and center and with no comfort, the children spent their energy giving comfort to their parents. This made you as an adult be a mood reader to make sure everyone is happy and your focus moved from you to others. It can be draining but that is how you love. You forget your needs. Learn to love yourself. 

Another lot grew up in a chaotic home, more like a battlefield. To survive, they had to be compliant, putting less attention on themselves, hide, and stay away. They have ended up with low self-esteem and they only know chaos. Calmness is unknown to them such that if they get a calm person, it shocks them. I mean they are used to war and that is why this kind, get married to violent people. It is sad but true. You need to love yourself. 

I know of people who grew up taking care of themselves. They had none to cover their back due to absentee and unavailable caregivers. They had to toughen up to survive and sadly they use anger as a weapon to remain in power and never want to change. They are in control when they avoid getting in touch with their vulnerability. They need to let it go though and learn to trust people. 

Lest I forget of individuals who had unpredictable parents. One day they are all loving, calling you the child of their youth, best friends, and the next minute they treat you as an outcast, distant and abusive. The shift of energy shocks you. You have grown up with a fear of abandonment, trying to find the consistency you were deprived of, and you are extremely sensitive. Because of the fear of abandonment, you say yes to any man/woman who smiles at you and you believe they are prince charming and the man of your dreams, soulmate. Child, when they come, breath in, breathe out, calm down and give yourself time to know them before committing. This will avoid incidences of character development and getting hurt by your own expectations. They are not here to stay, it is you who thinks they are here to stay. Bring down those castles. 

And finally, this lot that grew up in homes that they were not really loved and independence and self-reliance was the key thing. They were forced to grow up when they were just a child. These children, now adults learned to put their needs on hold and enjoy their own space. Not that they are not people's person, it is just that if asked, they would be in their cocoon. They need to learn to express their own emotions genuinely. They are human and do not need to agree with everything that comes their way. 

I am sorry that our childhood messed us up and we have been walking wounded thinking that we are loving and being loved genuinely but the truth is they are just a defense mechanism but now that you know, do better and be better. I also hope we choose not to pass it down. I hope you love and find genuine love. But, you need to heal to even allow the cup to overflow 

Now that you know, be different. The pressure of awakening is the realization that you cannot continue living like you do. It is the realization that you are the cycle breaker in the family and you need you. It is the realization that you are disrupting a pattern, recognizing your own dysfunctionality and you no longer want to fit in. 

I will be honest with you. It is not easy going back and sitting with your pain but that is the beginning of liberation. You cannot fix it if you cannot understand it. The truth is you have the most work to do for yourself and on yourself. 

Until you are willing to heal, you cannot heal. This is the first step. Most of you have already normalized your unhealthy lives and see it as okay. I have heard people say, 'this is how we are, we cannot change.' STOP. That is not how you are, that is how you were conditioned, that is your defense mechanism. 

That is why there is a need to unlearn, relearn and learn. Therapy is key. The investment made on self is never a waste. Invest in you. This will actually be the motivating factor. In my line of work, I have found those who have purposed to be in therapy, make tremendous progress. Allow yourself to heal through the process. Stop giving yourself deadlines that you must have healed by a certain date or heal like someone else. Why? Because the healing journey is different for different people. Trauma and socialization are different for all of us. Some of us have to heal from numerous sexual abuse from caregivers, some need to heal from negative remarks, others need to heal using sex as a defense mechanism. Some need to heal from the shouting and the trauma inflicted. We all are healing. It is your journey. Heal at your own pace. 

In the process of therapy, you realize you need to forgive yourself for thinking something is wrong with you. You let go of the negative patterns and you begin learning. 

I also realized that breaking the cycle takes courage, but it needs you. In simpler terms, this is a journey you might have to go solo. Why? Because of our normalization, we think everything is okay and are fixated on that. 

Stop harboring self-limiting beliefs. You were not born a failure. What happened to you made you believe and think something is wrong with you. 

Live, Love, Laugh. 

Pick that phone, seek help and meet with your therapist. The beginning of your safe space. 

I cannot wait to see you walking towards the person you were meant to be, living in your purpose and letting go of the baggage that you were not supposed to carry. I cannot wait for you to see how you are beautiful and worth it. Walk the journey. Heal yourself and the next generation 

Two years ago, I booked in sessions for therapy. My therapist would give me assignments and there are days I thought she had something against me because I had to face the past. I had to sit down with my pain and have a conversation. I had to sit with my joy and laugh my ass out. Boy, I had an interesting life. I learned that going back was easier said than done but it was necessary to learn, unlearn and relearn and also moments to affirm myself. Now, I realize I had to go back to heal. 

Last week, I asked us to go back to our origin and find who we really are and our patterns. I hope you did. Remember we said we are living life intentionally. I hope you noticed the patterns. For some it was a walk in the park, they had healthy families with good values and of course manageable issues and to some, it was opening a wound that they thought I had healed or the realization they were living a lie. 

Our backgrounds have made and shaped us and have also broken us. In your treasure hunt to find your background, there were some findings. Some realized that they had present caregivers who loved and affirmed them when growing up. Some were listened to, given audience, and in case of correction, it was done in love and not a world war. They saw their parents loving each other. This kind grew up with confidence and have healthier relationships with themselves and others. 

Then, there are others whose backgrounds show nothing but pain. They were shown how unworthy they were. They knew the world was against them at a young age and something was wrong. They picked negative energies from the environment. Raised in abusive families, abuse was normalized and hence sticking in wrong relationships because they do not know any better. Anything is allowed in their lives or should I say your life. Yes, you because I am talking to you. Life is just avoid. You have turned out to be a people pleaser because growing up, you had to go out of your way to get attention from your caregivers. You have developed trust issues and a negative defense mechanism. Some of you cannot buy yourself a coffee or take yourself out because you grew up being told it is being selfish. Others come first, so you have deprived yourself to become relevant for others. 

And, right now you are raising your child in the same toxic environment, wounded but with no idea that you are sick and the patterns continue. 

Some of you treat women like trash and see nothing wrong with it because that is how you were taught. Some ladies are looking for 'wababa or dzaddy' to fill the void of an absentee father who you think left because of you. 

Honestly, I do not blame some of our parents. Because that is how they were raised. They raise you how they were raised. They did not know any better. I do not blame you for how you turned out like shouting at your children and guilt-tripping them. I do not blame you for sitting in an abusive marriage because that is the kind of love you saw, witnessed, and knew it was the way but you deserve it. But now, you know better, you do better, right?

Healing is your responsibility. It is time to sit with the pain and face it. It is time to heal and realize your worth. It is time to break the patterns. It is time to know that your children are not a retirement scheme, a time to let go of the baggage and create new patterns, and a time to say enough is enough. You cannot keep doing the same thing and expect different results. 

I am tempted to say, 'kama si sasa, ni sasa hivi' It has nothing to do with politics. It has to do with making our lives different. 

But honestly, we show up for others, you need to show up for yourself. You cannot keep bleeding on your children, partner, and pet. Healing is an intentional journey. 

Sit down with the pain and notice how it has affected and changed you. 

Take action. Next week, we learn how to take action and heal ourselves. Heal from trauma and safeguard our mental wellbeing. I applaud you for the steps you have made. 

I know a majority of us have taken time to write resolutions and things we want to manifest and achieve. It is not bad; I highly recommend that. However, aren’t you tired of the same patterns of life that keep holding you back, derail and delay you?

Like my daughter, I will ask you, ‘what is beyond your grandmother.’ What is your origin? What have you inherited from your family? What are your family patterns, the good and the bad? How do you name your children? Was there love in your family or anger in your family that even the devil fears your clan?

There are so many patterns we get from our history, background.

I desire to live differently and pass it to my generation. I hope it is your story too. For this to happen, sometimes, it means going back to before your own birth. To be different, you need to be different.

I have heard people say how their family is full of thieves, other scholars, some dysfunctional. I want us to start a journey of self-awareness and discovery. I want us to change our family story by looking back. If there is anything you owe yourself, it is to build a different life. If anger came from your generation, anger does not need to trickle down to your next generation. If love, peace, mercy, joy were experienced from the first generation by all means let it trickle down to the next one. By all means, let light keep shining.

For the next few days, I want us to take a journey back and reflect on the history. Go back to your family, ask questions, check out pictures and family albums. Ask your relatives if they are still alive, about the history of your family. Where did they live? What levels of education did they achieve? What kind of upbringing did they have? What values were instilled in your family? Did the marriages last? Were they monogamous or polygamous? When did the relatives die and where were they buried? Note all the patterns, the good and not so good. EVERYTHING. I know we are busy making ends meet. But I also know we all have an innate desire to do things differently. After that, sit down and reflect on the things you have received from your family and you have passed down to your children. Look out at how the events have made you who you are now? Are you happy or sad? Do you want to pass it down to your generation and I will see you next week?

Life is beyond your grandmother and her name. It is what you went through that makes you who you are now. You are only going to your past, not to change things because you cannot, but to see how you have been affected and change your life now.

It is 2022, be intentional, grow and glow. It is the year we sit down with our emotions and face them. It is the year we stop hating our cousins for reasons known best by our great grandparents. It is the year we purpose to be different. The negative chains end with us. Over the next few months, I will poke you to take action.

As the sun rises, so will I. 

The sunrise is hope for a new day but it may be doom for another because of the patterns of life. But as the sun rises, I will look at my glass not as half full or half empty but at an angle that I have some space to fill for the day.

I will no longer carry the burden of yesterday which of course is easier said than done. But what good has it done over the years, has anything changed, or has it pulled me down to the ground?

I have realized I plan my life but ultimately, I do not direct it. But I will keep on planning because I know one sunrise things will fall into place. 

Today, the sun rose, what are you telling yourself?

It is easier to get entangled in our problems, stresses, and life challenges. It is easy to carry the burdens of life because that is what we know best. It is easy to forget that we have so much potential. It is sometimes safer to stay in our comfort zone because that is familiar territory.

And with the pandemic, we can get entangled in counting our losses and cursing. I mean things were just opening up, we were gaining ground and picking up the pieces of what was left of us. 

But the sun rose today, what choice do you have? 

With the sunrise, you have a choice to rise or have a pity party? I have come to realize, it is easy to have look down on ourselves because most have been condition to believe nothing good comes from them. 

But, let go of the baggage and burdens you have carried for years, it is too much burden. 

May the sun's rays help you know it is an opportunity to love and be loved. Some of you are afraid of loving and being loved because you have a few series of life experiences. Let the dawn of day, allow you to love.

Do what you need to do today. Stop procrastinating. Stop waiting for the perfect time, it will never come. You have today. 

Get out of that bed, enjoy the sunrise, and as the day unfold. The joy of a new day, is you have another opportunity to learn, unlearn and relearn. You have an opportunity to live. Feed your spirit with goodness and positivity. Choose battles worth fighting for and letting go. 

We cannot keep living life in a hopeless state. We cannot keep waiting for the perfect time. I hope every sunrise reminds you that it is a new day, new dawn. I hope every sunrise awakens the giant in you to achieve what you need to.

I hope every sunrise brings you closer to you and discovering yourself and your purpose.

Three weeks into the year and hopefully it is will well with your soul. For some, the written resolutions are the road map. For others, they will just flow with what comes.

Regardless, I still hope you carry every day with intentionality. You have got to be intentional in how you live and that is why maybe we should pause, reflect, and make some changes.

What baggages are you carrying? What baggages are heavy on you. Some of us are already tired and it is the first month of the year. You are taking painkillers for other's headaches. Life is already tasting bitter.

What is in your circle of influence? What concerns you and can take control.

You are responsible for your behavior. You are responsible for your attitude. If your attitude is bad, it is up to you. The consequences of the actions you made are on you.

You can influence who will be in your circle of friends and who needs to be out.

Take some time and reflect, what are you trying to carry that is beyond you and maybe does not concern you.

Could it be you feel like you can change the weather patterns?

Oh, do you want to control someone's behaviors or attitudes towards you? 

What others decide to do is on them.

Take time to do your analysis of things going on in your life and what you can change. You will realize you have so much to work on you that you do not have time to focus on other's problems.

See, until you realize you are not a demigod and a superman You will try fixing everyone and everything.

Others' baggage will drain you completely until you become bitter with yourself because you feel as if you are not doing enough.

It is still too early in the year to let circumstances and people steal your joy.

You cannot control the weather, dress appropriately otherwise you will be the mother of all complainants wondering why it is raining in January. 

You cannot control traffic and how other drivers act on the road but you can control your attitude. Maybe the traffic is there to help you realize you need to slow down and relax and see what is around you.

Stop allowing yourself to be the carrier of everything that is thrown on you. It is okay to know that there are things beyond you and you can do nothing about. It is okay to know that some chapters are good but not worth opening. It is better to know what matters to you and what you can do to guard your space and peace. What is your circle of influence? 

Happy New Year and Welcome to 2021.

This will just be business as usual, usual days and year, normal times unless you change your mindset. This is where you will begin winning.

Whether you wrote your resolutions or not, I hope you find this year to be successful as you desire. And, most importantly, this year is when you purpose on being intentional. Intentional on leaving your mediocre ways of life, settling for less than you deserve, and pushing yourself to be who you were created to be.

I hope you will not settle on the past. Last year will be written down in mankind's history but the events should not allow you to be crippled with fear for you to stop living. Rise above and focus on your goals. Do not focus on past victories. This will fill you with pride and ego while making you feel settled and not push yourself to more victories. It is gone, create more victories.

Realize, you cannot save the entire world. Do not carry the whole burden. Do what you can, go home and rest.

Do not doubt yourself for a single day. Do not doubt your beauty, worth, and resilience. You are just enough the way you, stop breaking your backs to fit into someone's lives. Do not force yourself where you are not needed. Learn when to fight and when to walk away.

After all, is said and done, the family is important. Be intentional in being present for your children. Stop being an absentee parent who gives a present to fill the void. Be the present. Learn your children, create memories, and love them. You are their first teacher.

Create time for your spouse, let go of the stupid egos we hide behind. He should call first, he should forgive first, she should understand me first and sacrifice for us. Love that man, love that woman. Rewrite your love story and change your narrative.

Stop pretending to be all-loving because the children are going back to school and once they are off your house is a battlefield. Don't be hell-bent on always being right. Fight from the same camp and not against each other.

It is going to be a busy year, rebuilding and picking up pieces from what has been termed as a lost year. The screams and voices will be too loud but take time to rest and be in touch with yourself. Learn to listen to the voice of your body on when to stop, refresh, or go on. 

Live every day, not when there is plenty or when having hearty laughter. Truth is, some days you will feel like the world is fighting you, but still live. Do not wait for the perfect moment to enjoy life. Do it every day.  Now is the perfect moment.

Stop being stagnant with life. Push yourself out of the comfort zone. Read a book. In this year, stop with minimal prompts, the likes of mmmhh, ahaa, wow because you cannot contribute to a conversation. Read a book, not just Facebook, grow intellectually. Grow in a changing world. Learn a new skill. Build yourself.

Stop having a boring life. Enjoy it even solo. Break the routine, get in touch with the child in you, laugh like crazy, climb the mountains, dance in the rain, travel. Do not wait for others to define you and what an exciting life should be. Define it by yourself but by all means, enjoy life.

Connect with the supreme spiritual being to guide you. Stop leaving life as if you own your life and it is the alarm that wakes you up.

In 2021, write your own story, you have every day to do so. Change the narrative from I cannot to I am damn capable of doing so. From I am not fitting to I was created to stand out 

A few days ago, I was clearing my emails. I had like 24 unread emails. I cleared all of them but one. I kept clicking the previous button but I still could not find that one unread mail. 

It took almost one hour to click the previous button to find the unread mail with no success.

That 1 unread mail notification still bothered me a lot. But, I realized I was now reading 2018 emails and still had not found the unread email. I was frustrated because I had wasted one hour with no luck. 

It got me thinking about real-life scenarios. There are times, things we have not found closure on, scars that are a reminder of past experiences, and memories will always keep popping. 

I believe it is important to make peace with our past otherwise it will haunt you. But life has taught me, to make peace there are things I would have to face head-on and there are things that I would have to live with the scars because there is nothing much that can be done.

So, what are you digging into? Is it worth it? Will it add any value? Will it make you a better person?

Human beings are restless until everything is fixed and perfect but the reality is, things won't always work how we want them to.

We waste precious moments trying to dig in the past, not in search of answers but pity party.

We try digging into it with the fallacy that we can turn back time but end up getting frustrated.

Sometimes, we dig into things that were never ours to bother with, in the first place. 

What is your unread mail notification?

My time searching for the unread mail made me realize, there are paths better left unknown. I have made peace with the unread mail notification. I will never know what it was because I dug into my emails for the longest time without an answer. I may not reply to an email after maybe 2years.

It does not bother me anymore, not because I am superwoman but because I have realized there is nothing much I can do about it but also it came in with a lesson, I need to read my emails often to avoid the anxiety of digging into mails for hours with no success.

It is the same thing with life. The reason why keep digging into the past is that we felt it was right at that time to blanket the circumstance for later but we forgot about it and years later, it has popped. 

Instead of digging into things years later,  deal with them in the present. Do not wait to dig into the anxiety, pain, and even joy when you notice the notification pop up. You may never get the answer and the joy may be stale.

Choose what to dig into and if it is not worth it make peace with it.

Not everything is worth digging into. Make your choice.

Happy Holidays. See you in 2021.

Thriving couples on Facebook has given many sleepless nights. Those who said marriage and relationship is a scam are left wondering.

Singles have the desire to move tents and camp in a new territory.

Love is a beautiful thing more so when you get the right one. The right one is relative.

I read over one hundred posts, beautiful stories that give more hope than pressure, that love is a beautiful thing and it works.

I picked a few lessons.

I think the sooner people stop comparing their love story the better. Do not be fooled on these streets. Everyone has their unique love story, from how they met and how their relationship started.

Others met in burials, some in hotels, and quite a number online. Some relationships started with a hi while others began with,' it is not safe for you to go back home now' and after 20 years they are still in the safety zone. Maybe you need to save yourself from stress and own your story. This is not a competition. Some met and they began life from scratch and together they have made progressive steps. Others met when they were both cleaned up and problems were not written on their faces. Some found love in their twenties and others in their forties. It is the uniqueness of love.

Stop giving human beings responsibilities beyond their capabilities. Your partner will never complete you, it is not their job. You are complete the way you are. You just need someone to compliment you. He can help cover your weaknesses but only you can work on them. You need someone who will help you accomplish your destiny.

Those that are married did not just find themselves there, they were intentional. Intentional in being present and making their relationship work. These genders are funny species. One gender will wake up accusing you of sneering at them and even mention they saw it in a dream. The other gender will complain that you are no longer the caring party because they can't see a pair of socks that they misplaced. This may escalate a big fight. They have learned to work their way through the fights because no couple is perfect. Couples have to be intentional in making the relationship work. Your religious leaders and friends you share your issues with will not make it work. It is you and your partner.

Fight from the same camp and not against each other.

Love takes time, it is a journey. Yes, we live in a microwave generation, wanting things instantly but let love simmer. Let it grow progressively. Give each other safe space. Stop suffocating each other. Stop thinking it will happen suddenly but give yourself time to know each other and let love grow. There is no award in getting married at 30. This is your life and lifetime decision we are talking about.

While marriages are thriving, individuals are sitting wondering where life changed lanes. Some went through tough experiences that made them believe love wasn't meant for them. Heal from your past and find yourself. Not every man is the same, not every woman is the same. 

To the ones whose marriage is on the rocks, If possible, rekindle the love you once had. 

Singles are wondering where they will be found by fine men. I know they can be found anywhere and everywhere, but do not expect them to drop down like manna on your doorsteps. Women go out there, started attending GNLD meetings, who knows, maybe he is there. 

But above all, find someone with whom you will love each other to be naked and unashamed. Find someone who won't force you to change who you are to be accepted.

I hope you find someone that will be on the same page as you are and present in the relationship. I hope you find someone with whom you will create your own love story. I hope you find someone you can fall in love with every time you see them.

It will never be cliche nor a broken record to make this statement, 'the best person to take care of you is you.'

We need to do this diligently and as if our lives depend on it because at the end of the day, you have you.

Guard your heart, space, mind, and energies. You think vampires are extinct are non-existent, flash news, they exist in form of humans.

Be careful of energy vampires, people who drain your energy intentionally, unintentionally, jokingly, or not and leave you high and dry.

There are people whose sole purpose is to suck out of you.

Do you have people who feed you with negativity, feed you with doubts? Just when you're about to take a step, they whisper, 'I don't think you can make it. I think this business idea is just folly. Many have tried and failed.' Energy vampires

There is also another breed that will ensure they drink from you and never put effort to fill you and will ride on your success. When things are tough they will disappear. Energy Vampires.

Others will derail you from achieving your set goals and desires because they will never be on the same page with you or support you and yet they stick tighter than glue in your space.

Some vampires will pledge their support and you'll get into a comfortable space until you begin to beg because they feel they hold an upper hand. They will make you feel a lesser human. You will question yourself. You will doubt yourself.

Be careful of those who laugh and drink with you but drain you completely because they pull your leg without your realization,  make calls to have your projects frustrated. Funny, you'll cry on their shoulders and they will tell you to hold on. This is a combination of energy vampires and venom.

Lest I forget those who have it their way or their way. Those who you have to call master and empress in every sentence. Those who will undress you in front of the crowd and make you apologize. Those who will be angry that you did not hail at them. They will suck your vigor. They will make you feel inferior, make you suffer imposter syndrome. Some will make sure they step on you and will never rise. They will make you look like fools and will ride on it because they have sucked your energy and you never realize it. They laugh at you and not with you because you don't see it. 

The sad reality, we have energy vampires all around us. Maybe, just maybe you're one of them.

But there comes a time where one needs 'to call him/herself for a meeting'.

You need to evaluate everyone who is in your circle. 

You need to reflect and make tough decisions.

Sometimes those energy vampires are people close to us, our friends, spouses, families, and workmates. No stranger sucks off your energy. They do not know you.

Life will teach you that not everyone needs to be in your life. Some just need to be there for a chapter. Allow those who are not part of your destiny to fall off. 

Guard your space jealously that people will understand their limits. Know your worth that nothing and no one will shake it. 

Set your standards high enough that if someone needs you, they would have to rise to them. Speak out. Feed your spirit with positivity and if need be, leave an environment where your energies are sucked. 

Take care of your energy. It is your energy that is created or changes form and pushes you towards a certain step but if it is sucked then you can not move or you move slower than what you were purposed to. 

Imagine the exploits you can do, the lives you will touch, the strides you will make If you allowed no room for energy vampires to drain you. 

Stay woke

Our childhood experiences, exposure, and general life experiences make us who we are. One of the hardest things to do is learning and unlearning especially changing our mindsets. We get to a familiar place which may not be comfortable but we choose to stick there. We can't expect different results doing the same thing. I mean, that's kind of insane.

Life is not always a smooth road. There are ups and downs but it gets to a point where a turn around is needed to get your break. It gets to a point of realization that, yes, I need to make different choices to have a better life not just for me but even my descendants and clansmen.

Break cycles of emotional abuse and justifying it on the other person's hormones or a bad day. Just because you grew up in an emotionally abusive home doesn't mean it has to go on.  Stop bleeding on other people who do not understand you. But, stop believing that you cannot be happy, that you are doomed. Reclaim who you are. You are responsible for what you think about yourself and not what others think of you.

Break up with the idea of one. Normalize the idea that you were not created to be just one thing, a doctor or a teacher. There is so much inside of you. Hidden talents and gifts that need to be unleashed to the world. Stop limiting yourself. Can't you be a designer and an international speaker at the same time? A therapist and a musician. A doctor and a baker. Unleash all your potentials. Discover who you are and make great moves. Let it sink in you.

Don't forget to break the mindset of unbelief and self-doubt. Doubt has crippled many into achieving great things but I say take the chance. You have all it takes. Do it even if you'll do it afraid. Believe that you are capable of doing things, make bold moves and you have the greatest contributions to this world. You didn't come from a great environment but a great environment can come from you. Believe it. Live it.

And, stop thinking you can be everything to everyone and a people pleaser. The reason why you are drained and tired is that you have put yourself to be the savior of everyone. You put out fires that burn you. You cannot be a husband, BFF, therapist, consultant, confidant, business analyst to one person. You'll get tired. You can't please everyone and live a good life.

But, this isn't an easy path to choose. Breaking patterns and mindset shift is not a journey someone else can walk on your behalf. It gets to a point where you get tired of living life the way you are and hunger for change. There will be moments of bargaining. Moments of uncertainty. But do you want different results, you need to make tough choices. They will break you to make you in the long run. 

You need to have a mindset shift. You have to face those demons and speak life to yourself. You need to find your way in life and choose that you won't live a mediocre life. Things that happened in your family's generation will end where you begin to take a different turn. Your children will be lucky that you made a different choice. It is not magic, it won't happen overnight. It is a journey.

Just because you see someone all smiley, posting perfect pictures does not mean all is good. After all, social media has pushed us to do what we know best, mask.

We always have to be perfect and dance to the tunes of joy. We have to fake it until we make it. We are in a race with others. Such an empty life, a draining one because no one is perfect. You don't have to prove yourself to people. 

The keyboard warriors that seemingly have it all figured out. The ones that have seemingly traveled the world. The meme lords that make our ribs crack. The celebrities who have made it. The guard in your apartment. The next-door neighbor. They all have private battles.

There is a celeb who battles emptiness and loneliness yet has to smile to the world.

A lady that miscarried her two-month pregnancy but has to grief in private. Some will not understand, to them, it, is just a fetus.

A woman who had hope of bearing children but was declared barren. She can't ask you to stop tagging her on the posts, 'utazaa lini'

A child fighting cerebral palsy and dyslexia but her story can't be shared because Judgy Judy will say, it is witchcraft in the family.

A man who has to face his family that he lost his job. Things will be different.

A man who has been given days to live yet he feels like he still has so much to accomplish.

The husband who goes through emotional and sometimes physical violence. How do they open up? To be seen as sissies. They fight the battles privately.

Behind the mask, are so many battles.

Battles that are draining, battles that destabilize people in all spheres of life.

Battles that can't be explained even if you fit in their shoe.

While sometimes you can't fight other people's battles you can make their journey simpler.

Stop asking women when they will give birth, and tagging them on posts without their consent or even knowing their story.

Stop thinking that celebrities have it all fixed. The pressure given by society is too much. They need genuine friends. Not friends of convenience.

Stop forcing women to stay in abusive marriages because yours worked out.

I beg, stop belittling men who go through any form of gender violence. Ain't they mortal?

And while at it stop thinking that your life is perfect and can now declare a verdict on people's lives. 

Stop making people inferior. Who told you your life is perfect, smooth sail, and something to write home about. Stop attacking people in the name of memes. Let people feel safe when they step out to the world. Living life is already a battle. Respect them when they do not call for help because they don't know how to. 

And finally, don't forget to face your battles truly because you can't run away forever. You might also be masking in the name of playing it tough and heartless.

The world will be a better place if we all removed our masks but then it is not always safe to do so. Meanwhile, let people fight their private battles without pressure. When ready, they will speak out. Even if they don't speak out we shall respect that.