A New Day

I couldn't sleep and kept asking myself so many questions. There was a sense of void. 

I took a self audit of the things that I had planned, and well a bigger chunk of my dreams had not come to fruition and hence a sense of hopelessness and helplessness. 

I felt empty. I felt I had lost everything.

I had prayed, fasted, even given sacrificial offering. I even placed my hands on the TV so I could receive the preacher's annointing.  

But this night, I felt broken, tired and on the verge of saying to hell with everything.

But before that, I needed a conversation with God. I'd spoken to Him severally and I think he heard me. It was night so maybe he didn't have a crowd speaking to him. I'd have his full attention.

So I sat down and invited him to sit opposite me. I imagined there was light and he was a big man, had some beard and a commanding voice.

Tonight, I would say everything and anything.

"Where have you been. I have been living in hell. I lost my job, my family abandoned me because according to them I couldn't keep my husband and was useless. I got into the accident and now am in crutches. My house burnt down. I was told I could never conceive and now I am the laughing stalk in my community. I can go on and on at all the misfortunes and now I am at the edge. Have you abandoned me. Why should I trust you? I am letting go. I am giving up."

I let out a cry of pain. And then I heard

"Child, I know what you're going through. But I never left, I was with you every step.

But you know you feel alone because you want to fight your battles. You want to do things your way. You want to give some bribe to get that job.

You want to go to the witch doctor while I am the one who is able to do exceedingly above all. Let me fight your battles. Give me all your burdens, fears, hopes, uncertainties, dreams. I will take care of you"

I don't know how I drifted to sleep but when I woke up and felt at peace, full of hope.

It didn't mean everything was perfect but I finally knew i did not have to fight the battles, I just need to relax and watch as things unfolded. I had hope. It was a new day, a new beginning.