Now that you know, be different. The pressure of awakening is the realization that you cannot continue living like you do. It is the realization that you are the cycle breaker in the family and you need you. It is the realization that you are disrupting a pattern, recognizing your own dysfunctionality and you no longer want to fit in. 

I will be honest with you. It is not easy going back and sitting with your pain but that is the beginning of liberation. You cannot fix it if you cannot understand it. The truth is you have the most work to do for yourself and on yourself. 

Until you are willing to heal, you cannot heal. This is the first step. Most of you have already normalized your unhealthy lives and see it as okay. I have heard people say, 'this is how we are, we cannot change.' STOP. That is not how you are, that is how you were conditioned, that is your defense mechanism. 

That is why there is a need to unlearn, relearn and learn. Therapy is key. The investment made on self is never a waste. Invest in you. This will actually be the motivating factor. In my line of work, I have found those who have purposed to be in therapy, make tremendous progress. Allow yourself to heal through the process. Stop giving yourself deadlines that you must have healed by a certain date or heal like someone else. Why? Because the healing journey is different for different people. Trauma and socialization are different for all of us. Some of us have to heal from numerous sexual abuse from caregivers, some need to heal from negative remarks, others need to heal using sex as a defense mechanism. Some need to heal from the shouting and the trauma inflicted. We all are healing. It is your journey. Heal at your own pace. 

In the process of therapy, you realize you need to forgive yourself for thinking something is wrong with you. You let go of the negative patterns and you begin learning. 

I also realized that breaking the cycle takes courage, but it needs you. In simpler terms, this is a journey you might have to go solo. Why? Because of our normalization, we think everything is okay and are fixated on that. 

Stop harboring self-limiting beliefs. You were not born a failure. What happened to you made you believe and think something is wrong with you. 

Live, Love, Laugh. 

Pick that phone, seek help and meet with your therapist. The beginning of your safe space. 

I cannot wait to see you walking towards the person you were meant to be, living in your purpose and letting go of the baggage that you were not supposed to carry. I cannot wait for you to see how you are beautiful and worth it. Walk the journey. Heal yourself and the next generation 

As the sun rises, so will I. 

The sunrise is hope for a new day but it may be doom for another because of the patterns of life. But as the sun rises, I will look at my glass not as half full or half empty but at an angle that I have some space to fill for the day.

I will no longer carry the burden of yesterday which of course is easier said than done. But what good has it done over the years, has anything changed, or has it pulled me down to the ground?

I have realized I plan my life but ultimately, I do not direct it. But I will keep on planning because I know one sunrise things will fall into place. 

Today, the sun rose, what are you telling yourself?

It is easier to get entangled in our problems, stresses, and life challenges. It is easy to carry the burdens of life because that is what we know best. It is easy to forget that we have so much potential. It is sometimes safer to stay in our comfort zone because that is familiar territory.

And with the pandemic, we can get entangled in counting our losses and cursing. I mean things were just opening up, we were gaining ground and picking up the pieces of what was left of us. 

But the sun rose today, what choice do you have? 

With the sunrise, you have a choice to rise or have a pity party? I have come to realize, it is easy to have look down on ourselves because most have been condition to believe nothing good comes from them. 

But, let go of the baggage and burdens you have carried for years, it is too much burden. 

May the sun's rays help you know it is an opportunity to love and be loved. Some of you are afraid of loving and being loved because you have a few series of life experiences. Let the dawn of day, allow you to love.

Do what you need to do today. Stop procrastinating. Stop waiting for the perfect time, it will never come. You have today. 

Get out of that bed, enjoy the sunrise, and as the day unfold. The joy of a new day, is you have another opportunity to learn, unlearn and relearn. You have an opportunity to live. Feed your spirit with goodness and positivity. Choose battles worth fighting for and letting go. 

We cannot keep living life in a hopeless state. We cannot keep waiting for the perfect time. I hope every sunrise reminds you that it is a new day, new dawn. I hope every sunrise awakens the giant in you to achieve what you need to.

I hope every sunrise brings you closer to you and discovering yourself and your purpose.

 Our experiences shape who we are, how we act and interact with others.

Every woman has a story. It could be the painful story of losing someone you loved or realizing after three years that you were in a relationship with yourself. Now it sounds funny but there was a time it put you down and made you feel unworthy. 

The husband that cheated on you and after being caught he pretended for a week and went back to his ways. He was just sorry he got caught.

Your work is like a battlefield. You have to go the extra mile to prove that being a woman is not a limitation. 

I mean, we have so many experiences that have put us on the edge.

These and so much have led to you believing that you always have to be on the move proving something. You have to prove that you are beautiful, worthy, intelligent. You do not have time to relax or slow down. Always on the move. 

Because of the pain and hurts you believe that things have to be well defined from the word go. You keep pushing people away because you believe that nothing they say is true. You have been used to being lied to that you would rather believe the lies than the truth.

Sometimes, because fear resides in you, you believe that you have to be the one leading relationship. It is your way or the highway. 

You get startled when someone treats you right and you feel like there is a hidden agenda.

You are used to people not showing up such that when one shows up you are not sure how to react. You think something is off.

But, girl, relax. One, never let a crisis go to waste, learn from it. Discover yourself.

Learn that in this world, we are all running our race, run at your speed and design, you could choose to walk, crawl or run, what matters is you are moving.

Slow down. It is in our silence that we are rejuvenated and the direction gets clearer. Remember, you cannot save the world on your own so do not kill yourself trying. 

When you know your worth, you will realize you do not have to fight with anyone who throws a stone at you.

Believe you deserve better and you will attract better. Do not settle for less. And when you are treated right, do not be afraid because you deserve it, you are worth it. 

Girl, I hope you stop dwelling in the past. Look at it this way, your experiences molded you, pick the lessons, and grow yourself.

After your story, I hope you know that you are stronger than you think, I hope you know you deserve better and made for greatness.

And, after all, is said and done, remember it begins with you.

It begins with you loving yourself just as you are because ideally, you cannot pour from an empty cup.

It begins with you, realizing you are just okay just as you and you do not have to change to attract someone. The right one will come.

Love begins by you loving yourself, your strengths, and your flaws. Love begins by you understanding your purpose and who you need to align yourself with.

Regardless of your awful experiences, it gets to a point where you have to come face to face with it, not to dwell there but conquer it. You cannot keep saying you believe in love when you call all women gold-diggers and men dogs. If you do not change your narrative, All men will be the same and you will never see any efforts made to make the relationship work.

It needs you to stop the wounds from getting deeper, otherwise, you will bleed on others.

It will need you to define what you want, otherwise, you will attract and settle for any Tom, Dick, and Harry that comes your way as long as they can smile. They will drain you.

As you look or wait for love, it will need you to understand you are just complete as you are, the other party will compliment you. This will stop the frustrations of unrealistic expectations.

Waiting for love can be tricky because of life's pressures, but it will need you to understand that you need to be busy doing your things. Do not sit and wait for love for you to live.

Enjoy every day. Do not miss out on living life because you are waiting for love. Enjoy and love will find you along the way and if it doesn't, you are playing just as you are.

See, it will need you to realize you deserve better and you are worth more. 

It all begins with you being intentional in making your relationship work. It will not flow like manna without you putting efforts.

And there are days, you will need to walk away, not because you do not believe in love, but because you deserve better love.

Just because someone says they love, does not mean they truly mean it. Watch out for the actions more than the words because anyone can say they love you but not everyone will act.

It begins with you realizing your time will come, love will find you and the right one will do. When you do figure this out, you will stop resurrecting things that should be dead.

Love is beautiful, love is food to the soul and you deserve it. Live life, do you, fill yourself. The right one will come. Until then, you are okay in your singlehood.

Love can be found anytime, not just in February. Maybe yours will come in July. Whatever time, could you just live. Get out of that pity party and while at it rediscover yourself, love yourself a new, affirm your greatness, you will begin to glow

Three weeks into the year and hopefully it is will well with your soul. For some, the written resolutions are the road map. For others, they will just flow with what comes.

Regardless, I still hope you carry every day with intentionality. You have got to be intentional in how you live and that is why maybe we should pause, reflect, and make some changes.

What baggages are you carrying? What baggages are heavy on you. Some of us are already tired and it is the first month of the year. You are taking painkillers for other's headaches. Life is already tasting bitter.

What is in your circle of influence? What concerns you and can take control.

You are responsible for your behavior. You are responsible for your attitude. If your attitude is bad, it is up to you. The consequences of the actions you made are on you.

You can influence who will be in your circle of friends and who needs to be out.

Take some time and reflect, what are you trying to carry that is beyond you and maybe does not concern you.

Could it be you feel like you can change the weather patterns?

Oh, do you want to control someone's behaviors or attitudes towards you? 

What others decide to do is on them.

Take time to do your analysis of things going on in your life and what you can change. You will realize you have so much to work on you that you do not have time to focus on other's problems.

See, until you realize you are not a demigod and a superman You will try fixing everyone and everything.

Others' baggage will drain you completely until you become bitter with yourself because you feel as if you are not doing enough.

It is still too early in the year to let circumstances and people steal your joy.

You cannot control the weather, dress appropriately otherwise you will be the mother of all complainants wondering why it is raining in January. 

You cannot control traffic and how other drivers act on the road but you can control your attitude. Maybe the traffic is there to help you realize you need to slow down and relax and see what is around you.

Stop allowing yourself to be the carrier of everything that is thrown on you. It is okay to know that there are things beyond you and you can do nothing about. It is okay to know that some chapters are good but not worth opening. It is better to know what matters to you and what you can do to guard your space and peace. What is your circle of influence? 

Happy New Year and Welcome to 2021.

This will just be business as usual, usual days and year, normal times unless you change your mindset. This is where you will begin winning.

Whether you wrote your resolutions or not, I hope you find this year to be successful as you desire. And, most importantly, this year is when you purpose on being intentional. Intentional on leaving your mediocre ways of life, settling for less than you deserve, and pushing yourself to be who you were created to be.

I hope you will not settle on the past. Last year will be written down in mankind's history but the events should not allow you to be crippled with fear for you to stop living. Rise above and focus on your goals. Do not focus on past victories. This will fill you with pride and ego while making you feel settled and not push yourself to more victories. It is gone, create more victories.

Realize, you cannot save the entire world. Do not carry the whole burden. Do what you can, go home and rest.

Do not doubt yourself for a single day. Do not doubt your beauty, worth, and resilience. You are just enough the way you, stop breaking your backs to fit into someone's lives. Do not force yourself where you are not needed. Learn when to fight and when to walk away.

After all, is said and done, the family is important. Be intentional in being present for your children. Stop being an absentee parent who gives a present to fill the void. Be the present. Learn your children, create memories, and love them. You are their first teacher.

Create time for your spouse, let go of the stupid egos we hide behind. He should call first, he should forgive first, she should understand me first and sacrifice for us. Love that man, love that woman. Rewrite your love story and change your narrative.

Stop pretending to be all-loving because the children are going back to school and once they are off your house is a battlefield. Don't be hell-bent on always being right. Fight from the same camp and not against each other.

It is going to be a busy year, rebuilding and picking up pieces from what has been termed as a lost year. The screams and voices will be too loud but take time to rest and be in touch with yourself. Learn to listen to the voice of your body on when to stop, refresh, or go on. 

Live every day, not when there is plenty or when having hearty laughter. Truth is, some days you will feel like the world is fighting you, but still live. Do not wait for the perfect moment to enjoy life. Do it every day.  Now is the perfect moment.

Stop being stagnant with life. Push yourself out of the comfort zone. Read a book. In this year, stop with minimal prompts, the likes of mmmhh, ahaa, wow because you cannot contribute to a conversation. Read a book, not just Facebook, grow intellectually. Grow in a changing world. Learn a new skill. Build yourself.

Stop having a boring life. Enjoy it even solo. Break the routine, get in touch with the child in you, laugh like crazy, climb the mountains, dance in the rain, travel. Do not wait for others to define you and what an exciting life should be. Define it by yourself but by all means, enjoy life.

Connect with the supreme spiritual being to guide you. Stop leaving life as if you own your life and it is the alarm that wakes you up.

In 2021, write your own story, you have every day to do so. Change the narrative from I cannot to I am damn capable of doing so. From I am not fitting to I was created to stand out 

2020 has been a crazy year for most of us if not all of us. It began with new year's resolutions and hopes. Then, the pandemic struck. But it has been an amazing year for some. 

Businesses blossomed and profits accelerated. 

Some couples rekindled their love and got to know each other afresh. Others got married. The pandemic could not stop them. It wasn't the usual ululations from the villagers and strangers but love still won.

It was a time for self-reflection.

The coiling back to the house gave time off the busy world to think through things, to get in touch with self and our surroundings.

To others, life stopped. Jobs and businesses crumbled. Some went through grief and loss. Loss of jobs loved ones, relationships, identity. The stigma related to the pandemic was real. The effects so heavy, it will take time to adjust to them.

2020 is coming to an end and while we have been thrown off balance, the world is shaken will we lament and complain or will we pick lessons to learn from? I choose the latter.

I hope you have learned to value the present. I hope you have learned to enjoy life as it is. There is no perfect time. It just needs you.

I hope you learned the value of silence and self-time. While it is good to give your all, it is important to be in your own space to listen to yourself, rest and connect with yourself.

Family and true friends are for keeps. I wish you let go of your egoistic nature and pride and decided to value the MIP, Most Important Persons. 

There will never be a perfect time to start pursuing your dreams, plans. The best time is now.

While at it, I hope you learned nothing is cast on stone. You can still maintain your goals and use different strategies to approach them and you can also change your goal and not get criminalized for it.

I surely hope that you learned, life is too short to hold on to bitterness, grudges, and anger. Oh, I know they hurt you, but it is too much baggage. Let it go. And, while letting it go, I hope you learned to be selfish with yourself in a good way, to have boundaries but most importantly to love you and be your cheerleader. 

I hope you also learned that life is beautiful, sometimes it is important to slow down and pause, enjoy the wind, the sunrise, and the sunset. You do not have to be on the move every time. 

In a nutshell, I hope you learned life may not always be good but has good lessons to learn from. I hope you know it is a bad moment, not a bad life.

I believe you had a paradigm shift to understand we all have our lanes, some will thrive in the darkest night others will thrive in broad light. Don't compare. You are unique.

2020 has been a good year because we survived and we will live to tell our stories.

It will never be cliche nor a broken record to make this statement, 'the best person to take care of you is you.'

We need to do this diligently and as if our lives depend on it because at the end of the day, you have you.

Guard your heart, space, mind, and energies. You think vampires are extinct are non-existent, flash news, they exist in form of humans.

Be careful of energy vampires, people who drain your energy intentionally, unintentionally, jokingly, or not and leave you high and dry.

There are people whose sole purpose is to suck out of you.

Do you have people who feed you with negativity, feed you with doubts? Just when you're about to take a step, they whisper, 'I don't think you can make it. I think this business idea is just folly. Many have tried and failed.' Energy vampires

There is also another breed that will ensure they drink from you and never put effort to fill you and will ride on your success. When things are tough they will disappear. Energy Vampires.

Others will derail you from achieving your set goals and desires because they will never be on the same page with you or support you and yet they stick tighter than glue in your space.

Some vampires will pledge their support and you'll get into a comfortable space until you begin to beg because they feel they hold an upper hand. They will make you feel a lesser human. You will question yourself. You will doubt yourself.

Be careful of those who laugh and drink with you but drain you completely because they pull your leg without your realization,  make calls to have your projects frustrated. Funny, you'll cry on their shoulders and they will tell you to hold on. This is a combination of energy vampires and venom.

Lest I forget those who have it their way or their way. Those who you have to call master and empress in every sentence. Those who will undress you in front of the crowd and make you apologize. Those who will be angry that you did not hail at them. They will suck your vigor. They will make you feel inferior, make you suffer imposter syndrome. Some will make sure they step on you and will never rise. They will make you look like fools and will ride on it because they have sucked your energy and you never realize it. They laugh at you and not with you because you don't see it. 

The sad reality, we have energy vampires all around us. Maybe, just maybe you're one of them.

But there comes a time where one needs 'to call him/herself for a meeting'.

You need to evaluate everyone who is in your circle. 

You need to reflect and make tough decisions.

Sometimes those energy vampires are people close to us, our friends, spouses, families, and workmates. No stranger sucks off your energy. They do not know you.

Life will teach you that not everyone needs to be in your life. Some just need to be there for a chapter. Allow those who are not part of your destiny to fall off. 

Guard your space jealously that people will understand their limits. Know your worth that nothing and no one will shake it. 

Set your standards high enough that if someone needs you, they would have to rise to them. Speak out. Feed your spirit with positivity and if need be, leave an environment where your energies are sucked. 

Take care of your energy. It is your energy that is created or changes form and pushes you towards a certain step but if it is sucked then you can not move or you move slower than what you were purposed to. 

Imagine the exploits you can do, the lives you will touch, the strides you will make If you allowed no room for energy vampires to drain you. 

Stay woke

Some life's truth: It is good to dream of a good life, desire good things in life. The other truth is unless you go for what you desire in life, it remains just that, a desire.

Each one of us has a unique desire and need so walk in your lane. Whether you come from a privileged family or not, educated or not, black or white, there is a desire to acquire, change, dispose of. 

But the difference between desire and actualizing is action.

Some have already put limitations on themselves. 

Others have written off their plans and desires because well, they seem farfetched. 

And a majority of us, have a gazillion of excuses for lack of action. 

But until you act and take chances you'll keep saying you're cursed and paying for your mother's ancestors sin. Things have happened in your family but be tired enough to break the cycle. Let it stop with you.

You'll keep blaming the world for being unfair. You'll be a whim, complaining every day. 

Are you willing to act, to pursue, or do you think things will fall on your door like manna?

Manna is no longer falling down, you've got to pursue.

Spouses won't fall down from heaven, weight loss won't just happen. Genuine degrees won't fall down like manna. Darling you have got to pursue. 

You want an hourglass figure, go work out and eat clean.

You want an education, begin by inquiring about learning institutions you can pursue your education in. Circumstances may not allow you to get a degree immediately but start with that certificate. Be proud of it. 

You want that business empire. News flash, go for it. The empire won't be dropped down. Pursue it. 

You want that fine lady for a wife, pursue her. Don't stalk, pursue her. Don't expect that she will conclude you like her. You're the man, chase her.

You want to bag a deal, sign a worthy contract, pursue it.

You want to be a renowned influencer, get out of the comfort zone, and package yourself to become one.

Unless you pursue things you want in life, they will be just things. They will be dreams and nothing more.

But how bad do you want your desires to be actualized? 

Determination and not just motivation is what will push you to pursue. 'Cause truth is there are days life will beat you, drain you and it won't make sense at all, and you'll lack motivation.

Have you written what you want on paper?

Have you started manifesting it through your words and thoughts?

Have you made plans to pursue your desire?

Do you see the possibilities or you're toxic to your own self?  You just see negativity.

No one is coming to save you, no one knows your dreams better.

No one can pursue your desires better than you.

You need to get off that bed you've stuck in for so long. 

You need to go after what you want. Keep propelling. You'll be stunned just how much progress you have made when you pursue every day.

Begin. Focus. Achieve. Do it. 

Whether you see the glass half empty or half full, you still have an opportunity to fill it up. Pursue to accomplish what you desire and fill the cup. Don't settle for less while you have the opportunity for more.

 Funny how quick we are to forgive others for the grievous mistakes they have committed while you are still walking around with the guilt of your mistakes.

Easier to sacrifice yourself for others while you forget yourself.

Hilarious that you'd be willing to buy the other gender some nice three-course meal but you'd find yourself dead if you bought yourself the same.

Crazy, that you'd break your back for the entire world yet you'd never do it for you. You are willing to go an extra mile for others but you.

Sad, you see others deserve the goodness of life but you. 

A lot of us are empty walking beings because we have forgotten ourselves.

We are living in a time where we want to fit in too much that we forget ourselves.

I am not saying you be a selfish person but I dare you today to choose you.

Choose to forgive yourself at the same speed that you forgive other people. You made choices that were not good and can't run away from that. But, you made them at that time because you thought they were the best at the time. Stop carrying the guilt every day. Forgive yourself for allowing yourself not to be loved as you deserve. For holding on to a job that sucks. For holding on to friendships that drained you. You can't turn back the time but you can forgive yourself and open a new page. Stop rereading old chapters. Draw lessons and live.

I dare you to choose yourself today and love on yourself. Pamper you. Don't wait for an occasion. The way you'd break an arm and a leg to pamper others, with the same spirit do it to yourself.

Don't wait for an occasion. Take yourself out for coffee. It won't hurt.

Get yourself some affordable pedicure. Stop walking with three-year-old cuticles on your toenails because you're waiting for the next wedding.

Go an extra mile for you.

Break your back for yourself too.

With the same energy, you'd buy the other gender three-course meals, buy for yourself.

Love you. Choose you.

You see why we sometimes have bitter people and maybe you're on the list. Because we have forgotten ourselves. 

We have forgotten to take care of ourselves such that we are running on an empty tank. And, this is a very delicate place to be at. We have been made to believe one has to sacrifice just for others and not for self. 

But, I dare you today choose yourself today.

Fill up your tank. Love on yourself. Make bold decisions. Create time for you. Treat yourself. Believe in yourself again. Rediscover you.

When you choose yourself you are able to realize your boundaries.

When you choose yourself. To be there for you. To hold on to you. To go an extra mile for you. To love you. You radiate joy, peace, love not only to you but even to others.

Lest I be misquoted, you are choosing you to progress, to be nurtured so that it can flow to the world. It is not a selfish move.

You can only give what you have but are you filled? What is filling you? The best person to take care of you is YOU. The best person to love you is YOU.