We are slowly becoming our parents—the ones we once heard tiptoeing in the early hours of the morning to pray over their children. We are slowly becoming the village elders in committees, whether for weddings or burials. We are slowly becoming the event organizers at our friends’ weddings, baby showers, and, sadly, their funerals.

Sometimes, we are so busy chasing paper that we don’t take a moment to breathe and realize—we are aging. Whether we do so gracefully or not is entirely up to us.

I sit down and realize: I am the parent now. When everyone is told to go to their mums, two little humans will follow me. I am responsible for them. I am responsible for myself. Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about life, seasons, and moments. Looking at our parents and grandparents, I know I will be there someday. And it got me thinking—what kind of life do I want to live? What present moments do I want to fully embrace?

One of my desires was to have my master’s degree by the time I turned 30. But joke’s on me—I was nursing babies, dealing with weight struggles, battling imposter syndrome, trying to figure out my life. My skin aged, so I am not getting older again (pun intended). It wasn’t until I turned 30 that I found the light again. I will get my master's degree slightly before 40, a decade later. Did I sometimes wish I could turn back time? Yes. But here I am, slaying my goals and ticking them off one by one. Because when you allow yourself to live in the present and let go of the things you cannot change, you begin to become the best version of yourself. When you allow yourself to heal from the pain intentionally, something changes from the inside.

I know I cannot turn back time to 18. If I could, I’d make different choices. I’d probably be in a different space. But here I am, and instead of dwelling on the past, I think about the person I want to be in my 70s. I know my experiences have shaped the person I am. 

I see myself as a slaying granny—maybe not in heels, but definitely thriving. I wonder if my tattoos will shrink into a different image, (From a butterfly to something like a stinging nettle-thafai. Lol) but I am manifesting traveling, enjoying life with my man, celebrating my children's wins, welcoming my grandchildren over, living in a ranch, money working for me, drinking supplements. I hope I will still have my teeth, lol. I want to be in good physical, mental, financial, and spiritual health. And because I have a vision for my future, I must be intentional about my present.

I cannot go back to my early 20s, let alone my childhood. That realization is both a relief and a little terrifying. But it also gives me clarity. I am not yet in my future, but I have hope for it. I have my present. I have now. I will only visit my past to learn patterns and pick up lessons. I will show up in my present to do things right.

With age comes wisdom (well, for most people), and with wisdom comes the realization that we must do things differently. Our stories shape us, break us, before building us if they ever do. But no matter our successes or failures, we cannot go back—we can only focus on the present and build the future.

Let go of the burden of how they treated you. Let go of the desire to go back and fix what cannot be changed. Embrace where you are, learn from it, and move forward. Heal, because your innate desire is to belong. Do not carry burdens into your old age—they will be too heavy, and people will grow tired of carrying them for you. And damn, that’s a sad way to live.

Make tiny tiny goals to accumulate to a bigger success. Go get that degree. Learn that skill. Stop making excuses. Hit the gym and eat right—yes, you! Stop saying you’ll faint when you start working out. Work on yourself. Build relationships with intention. No one is coming to save you. You’ve got you. You have now. 

Make better choices. Stop dwelling in the past. Become a better parent, a present one. Become a better partner. Live. Love. Travel. Step out of your hometown. Learn. You have the present—use it wisely as you manifest the future.

We need to desire a future where our children don’t have to worry about us when we grow old. If the bible is anything to live by, it speaks of leaving an inheritance for our children and our children’s children—let’s work toward that. Break patterns. Go for therapy. Heal. Build your community.

I do not want to imagine you retiring only to keep three goats for company because there’s nothing else to look forward to. I do not want to imagine you growing old alone or ending up in a nursing home because your children abandoned you—your bitterness over a divorce from 30 years ago pushing them away or you were a father who went out drinking, philandering and only came back home after retirement. I do not want to imagine you sitting in your 80s, drowning in regret over lost opportunities from your 40s. That instead of enjoying rest, you are still hawking just to survive.

I am not saying everything will be perfect—none of us know the future. But we know who holds the future. So what can you do with your present? What choices do you need to make differently?

We are growing older. Soon—if not already—you’ll be the parent at prayer day, then one of your daughter introduces you to her boyfriend. One day, your children will leave home, and you’ll face the quiet of an empty nest.

Start preparing now. Reconnect with yourself. Revisit your hobbies. Live fully. Make those choices 

Because life is happening—whether you’re ready or not.

We all unanimously agreed that January was just a trial month, right? Well, the real year has officially begun! Welcome to February—the month of love—where you find out whether you are the beloved or just a beloved viewer. It’s also the month when some people mysteriously disappear. And no, it won’t be the Subaru boys coming for you—it’s just that the pressure gets 'wesser' and there is a conference to attend to. 

I’ve gone through the Institute of Character Development and aced some units and still repeated some, but I’m still a believer in love. I love love. I love being loved. I love being in a relationship, watching my person win, fight their demons, and grow. I love growing in love. I love how love brings the best version of me. I love love because I get to love my family and friends, who are my best cheerleaders. I love love, flowers and chocolates. Any day, anytime.

But I’m not here to talk about love. I’m here to summon you. I’ve heard people already calling 2025 a doomed year just because January was rough. I get it, January was crazy for many people. But have you lived the entire year yet? Your fears are valid, but here’s the thing: the more you feed them, the bigger they grow. I’m not saying we should adopt toxic positivity and ignore reality. What I am saying is—focus on what’s within your control. I’m recovering from the mindset of “I need to see the entire picture before making a move.” It has robbed me of enjoying the present simply because I couldn’t see the whole staircase. And honestly? It has been exhausting.

Gym subscriptions have already reduced because some of you are already tired of the gym because you never really thought through your plan—it just felt like the thing to do. But here’s the truth: Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Extend some grace to yourself. By all means, pursue your resolutions and intentions, but don’t overwhelm yourself. We’re only in season 2 of 12—we don’t even know how the scriptwriter will change the story. As one of our Kenyan dialects would say, “Ter mos.” Take it slow.

Some of you are already experiencing cognitive overload and decision fatigue. Your prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and self-control) is overwhelmed. If you’re not careful, you’ll start feeling frustrated, anxious, and exhausted before the year even picks up. Instead of feeling motivated, you’ll feel stuck—caught in a cycle of overworking and fatigue. And that’s not what we want, is it?

I’m all for setting goals. But here’s a note to self (and to you) take it slow. Develop a strategy.

That relationship goal? It won’t happen in a day. Don’t expect to do everything at once—it takes time. This will stop you from over compensating and give it time as you both evolve into the best version of yourself. 
Building generational wealth? That takes time, too.
Spiritual growth? Give yourself space to evolve.
Growing a social media following? It won’t happen overnight.

You’re not a machine. Even robots need to recharge. So do you. You are human—navigating responsibilities and the complexities of life.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Make plans. Set goals. Break them into small, achievable steps. Reframe failure—it doesn’t mean the whole year is ruined.

And here’s a reminder from an acquaintance I met, 'When something bad happens, it is not a bad year, a bad month, or a bad day. It is just a bad moment. You will ace your desires. 

May 2025 work in your favor. Love and Light. 

As I grow older in age and in my career, I realize that quite a number of us have our identity tied to sickness, trauma, pain, and we are comfortable in it because healing will require one to move from the known to the unknown. It is hard to move from the familiar, which feels safe, to the unknown, which is unpredictable. The fear of the unknown makes it difficult to heal because healing requires facing uncharted emotional territory, and this is normal. Sometimes, societal expectations can hinder one from healing because we are expected to behave in specific ways.

I see adults—handsome and beautiful, elegantly dressed, well-poised—but still afraid and imprisoned by the voices in their heads. There is nothing as painful as an adult still hearing the voices of their parents and caregivers that they heard as a child.

The,

"You are not enough."

"You need to do more for me to love you."

And worse yet, it is the silent words and actions they were supposed to say but never did, like:

"You are an amazing child, and I love you."

"Hey, it is okay to cry, to fail, and you've got this."

Instead, they built a wall, and you learned that your feelings were invalid. That is why the slightest correction makes you shut down because the voice in your head is the parent who scolded you when you were 10 years old and was emotionally unavailable. For you, love does not come softly. You are always ready to walk away. Vulnerability, to you, is scary and a daunting task.

You have learned to overcompensate because to get your mother's attention, you had to appear to be the perfect child—the cleanest son, the daughter who passes her exams, sat well before visitors and bowed before the elders. Love and attention had to be hard-earned. You overplay your role in people's lives because you imagine maybe if you do more—that extra mile—you will finally be included, needed, and loved. Sadly, you keep others warm even if it makes you cold. One day they express their love for you, and the next day, they are as cold as ice. Your mother's voice still lingers:

"You are not enough. You are not as good as so and so."

"You are not as beautiful as your sister."

As a 35-year-old, you are still waiting for the bike your mom promised you in Class 3 if you passed your exams. You passed the exams, but it was not to her standard. You needed to do more.

The teacher told you that you could never amount to anything just because you were poor in Mathematics, and so you soaked yourself in books to prove him wrong. And every time you imagine becoming a failure, you soak yourself in gaining accolades, recognition. You hide behind work and never get to soak in the joys and victories of accomplishment because you are always in pursuit of the next victory—an overachiever.

The subconscious conditioning raises the voices that make us feel unworthy, in search of something that we never get to achieve. Before we realize it, time is gone, love is lost, and there is a hollow in our hearts. We end up bleeding on people that we should never have bled on from the get-go.

And well, as you grow older, the mask not only becomes too heavy to carry, but your desire to be free increases. Yet it is scary because that is all you know: the shame, the pain, the ridicule, the lack of attention. And I get it. But, I want you to know it is possible to become the better version of yourself. Without invalidating our experiences, I want you to know that quite a number of our parents raised us the way they were raised—from a point of woundedness. Some were never courageous enough to face their own demons, so they displaced their frustrations on us.

Anytime the voices in your head remind you of the wounded child in you, the child that was scarred and had no power to raise their own voice lest it becomes disrespectful, I want you to remember you are no longer that child. You are an adult who knows better, has a voice, understand things from a different perspective, can create boundaries and you can stand on your own. Right now as an adult, I hope you intentional make your voice louder. 

Recognize the patterns and acknowledge the voices and habits that stem from your past. Awareness is the first step to breaking free. Seek therapy or counseling, as a professional can help you unpack your experiences and provide tools to reframe your inner dialogue. Practice self-compassion and, when the voices in your head get loud, remind yourself that you are enough. Speak to yourself with kindness, just as you would to a friend. Set boundaries and learn to say no to protect your energy. Healing often involves letting go of relationships or habits that no longer serve you. Celebrate small wins along the way, as healing is a journey, not a destination. Surround yourself with supportive people who understand and encourage your growth.

It takes courage to heal and I applaud you for that. It takes vulnerability to sit down with pain and the realization that our experiences with our caregivers wounded us and they may never ask for forgiveness. It takes resilience to unpack your experiences. I want to acknowledge you for what you are doing. Healing is not a destination, it is journey so extend grace to yourself. Healing is the most courageous act of love you can offer yourself. 

While I understand that some of us might need prayers, fasting, therapy, or even some exorcism, I tend to believe most of us simply need a change in perspective.

Here’s the thing: when we cross into a new year, there’s immense pressure—pressure to create resolutions, pressure to make changes, pressure to turn over a new leaf. But as the year progresses, that same pressure hits harder when we feel like we’re not experiencing significant changes or when growth feels minimal.

Some of us crave new beginnings but remain trapped in old ways of thinking. There’s a Kenyan saying that goes, "You think your mum knows how to cook until you eat at your neighbor's and realize your mum can cook, but someone else can cook better."

Many of us have been shaped by life’s circumstances to the point where they define us. Thoughts like, “I’m just the child of a peasant; who would listen to me?” or “I’m a woman whose worth is low because I can’t have children or sustain a marriage,” can rob us of our dignity and convince us that nothing good can come from us.

Our cultures also influence our perspectives. Take, for example, a man who believes that stepping into the kitchen somehow undermines his role as the leader of his home. Or a woman raised to believe she should be seen but not heard. Some people cling so tightly to their opinions, convinced they’re always right, and in the process, they demean anyone who doesn’t meet their standards.

Everyone has their own perspective—whether good or bad—but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s correct.

As you go about your days in this new year, I hope one of your resolutions is to change some of your perspectives. Step out of your hometown and explore. You’re not a traffic light—you don’t need to stay stuck in the same place.

Visit other couples and see how a man can love his woman in the kitchen and still retain his role as the head of the relationship, did that man die cooking that meal, did he choke, did you see the wife calling an ambulance. Learn new skills. Stop relying on outdated knowledge; people are tired of giving you feedback that you ignore. It’s time to stop saying, “As an engineer in 1960, I learned this skill,” because technology has moved on, and so should you.

Get out of your comfort zone and see the world. Listen to that podcast. Let go of the need to know everything. Take a deep breath, relax, and truly listen to others. Even Mr. Know-it-All could learn something from someone else. Sit with that guard and hear his story—you might be surprised at the wisdom he carries.

Before you take on your self-appointed role as Deputy Jesus, try to understand other people’s views. And please, stop saying, “That’s just how I am.” Many of your habits and behaviors were learned, which means they can also be unlearned. There is nothing wrong with you, be slow on diagnosing yourself with mental health conditions. You just need to understand how to give and receive love. You just need a life coach for you to learn how to express yourself better. Maybe you do not need prayers three times a day with holy oil and spirit filled towel to remove some curse, you need a financial coach to help with financial discipline. 

I’ve come to appreciate that I don’t know everything—and that’s okay. Growth requires listening to different perspectives. My experiences once limited me to believe only one version of myself, but I’ve learned to step outside my comfort zone to discover more about who I am.

I’ve been vulnerable enough to allow others to give me feedback, using it to strengthen my abilities and work on my areas of growth.

If you truly want this year to be different, maybe it’s time to allow yourself to see things from a new perspective, let go of the burden you carry. It is too heavy to carry. 

It has been a long minute since I was here, but I am grateful that I still have people who pass by an article or so. Life has been busy, but I miss penning down my thoughts here. I think it is part of adulting. As a child, I kept saying how I wished to be an adult. Well, if I had a memo, I would have reconsidered this or come with my manual. Today, I sat down reflecting on how the year has been. First, I am concerned about the speed this year is taking. It is already May. Just the other day, we were crossing over to 2024, and a number of people deliberately refused to claim how this year would be their year, lest they jinx it. A lot has happened from global to personal levels.

While it has been a minute, I am seated here just wondering how life can be fragile and how foolish of us to imagine the permanency of life. I am seated here scrolling through social media and seeing how life is fragile. I am looking at how the floods have affected people and are no respecter of persons. I know I have written about time in a different way in one of the posts, and that is why I feel like I am having a déjà vu. I feel like people still do not understand just how frail and powerless we are that we cannot control time. We think we are all powerful until we realize we can only do so much.

My turnaround happened during Covid-19. When all my plans came crashing down and every 4:00 PM, the then Cabinet Secretary for Health would update us on the new infections. God, this sucked and drained, and from then I can count the number of times I have watched the news. My turnaround happened then when I realized that there was never a perfect moment. It was an illusion that would rob me of my joy and purpose. I began celebrating my birthdays religiously to celebrate life. Courtesy of Carol, our self-care ambassador, I began an intentional journey towards self-care, and the four years have been blissful. I have seen my therapists at will and when love took me back to sessions twice a week.

I think these floods made me sit down and reminded me of a few things. We have what we can control and what we absolutely cannot. We are not in control of time, and there is nothing we can do about it. I am partly Kisii but still cannot tell time to stop. But you and I can do one thing: live life. I hope you realize what you have is now, that is all, and I hope you live and enjoy every minute of it. If you are being sun-kissed, enjoy the warmth, and if you are passing through the waters, brave it because no season lasts forever. Stop with the illusion of a perfect time or saving time. Stop with the idea that 10 years from now things will be better. Before you get to the 10th year, what are you doing with the present?

Stop waiting for the perfect moment to wear that sunny Sunday best. Stop waiting for the perfect moment to express and give love. Yes, this will be your 35th relationship, but not all men are dogs. Have you dated all of them? And not all girls are gold diggers, and probably the concern should be if you have any gold to dig. Stop and let go of the bitterness and unforgiveness you carry because some of your faces are full of wrinkles not because of your age but because of the load you carry. Start creating memories for your old age now. Dance in the rain, laugh at your own silly jokes, live life, start the small steps towards your goal and love. Take yourself out on that date. Read that book. Those who have died because of the floods had plans but they cannot actualize them. Some who have been evicted had nice cutlery famously known for guests while they were using worn-out plastic plates that have seen better days. Stop waiting for the guests to have fine dining, be your own guests. Go buy yourself flowers and do not wait for prince charming, what if he was swept by the floods. 

Time is a beautiful asset if only we see the gift it comes with, now. The best time you have is now. What are you holding back for the perfect moment? Who told you there will be a perfect moment? Enjoy the greatest gift, the present, now. Stop with the self inflicted barriers. 

If I lived the life I envisioned in my mother's house when I was young, I would be a neurosurgeon, a journalist, or working with the FBI. I had read Think Big and Gifted Hands by Ben Carson and knew them by heart. I had solved mysteries and crimes in my mind courtesy of the Nancy Drew series. I would take newspapers and imitate the late Catherine Kasavuli. Clearly, even as a young person, I desired so many things. As children, we were allowed to dream. But, life happens when we mature and because of disappointments, and heartbreaks, we become so cautious with our desires, and plans and we are just scared to allow the child in us to dream and live. 

Life is not always in our control. Well, let us just say things would be different if it was. Some individuals would not cross our paths or life would be all bliss. But we are living on this earth. I would like to speak to individuals who feel that their lives stopped because of the choices they made. I am talking to the lady who has to raise her child solo because Father Walker keeps walking and unlike Lot's wife he never turns back to see who he left behind. The guy who was loyal to his workplace for years and felt guilty taking up consultancies but the board woke up one day and decided he was no longer fit. I am talking to the lady who had to bury her husband at a young age and still fight the inlaws to protect her inheritance. I am talking to one who has tarmacked for years looking for a job after studying a marketable course for six years. I am talking to the one who had indicated on her vision board that they would get married at 25 and they are turning 40 this year and they are on the verge of accepting someone, anyone, as long as they are breathing in and out. 

When things do not work as planned, when things do not work as expected there is the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness. The self-esteem is injured, your voice disappears and sometimes you live under the mercies of individuals who are in positions of power and control. It is easy to question who you are, your worth, and its purpose. Just because life has happened does not mean that you cannot become what you have desired. It may tarry but it will come to pass. 

We have heard about the north star, the brightest, and its consistent position in the sky. It was used to give direction. Let us get back to our lives, when the going gets ghetto it becomes ghetto and one feels like life has no direction and we even forget our dreams. Here is the thing, we all have our north star whether it is darkest in life or otherwise. It is still there. Yes, life has happened but you still have dreams and a purpose in life. Find your north star, find your purpose. Some will find it when they receive their divorce papers, others on their partner's deathbed, others when raising their children, and another lot when life is bliss. Do not allow life's circumstances to make you believe you were just created to breathe in and out. Go get that degree at 40. Go for that vacation. Change that career. Get married again after a divorce. Go for therapy. Let go of the things that weigh heavy on you. Things happened, some beyond your control but what is in your control is living life, picking the pieces, and making a new original. Well, it is not a walk in the park but I hope you allow yourself to find your North Star, and allow it to guide you. Get rid of the limiting beliefs because of the hell you have been through. Get rid of what others say you can or cannot do. Go get that passport, dream, it will be stamped. Do you. Live your life. May you find your North Star and I hope you allow it to lead you. I hope your purpose fuels you and I hope you realize it. I hope you are at home with yourself to understand that you can become and what happened to you can help you redirect your life. I dare you to sit down with yourself and discover yourself all over again. I dare you to believe in yourself again. 

Happy Valentine's my loves. Enjoy this day and the days to come. 

"When is the deadline for wishing people New Year tidings? Does it have an end, though? Anyway, welcome back and I hope the new year serves you quite well. One thing we can agree on is this has been the fastest January in history. Welcome to February where suddenly not all men are dogs, but they are called babe, mi amor, and all because of the pressure of one day, Valentine’s Day, and probably your relationship will expire on the thirteenth of February.

When was the last time you had time for yourself? I am not talking about the me-time you have to babysit your grown friends in a club. I am talking about the time you got in touch with yourself. Not the binge-watching kind. As we crossed over the year, I got time to reflect on so many things and just observe the surroundings and I realized quite a number of us are marathoners running away from ourselves. Some of you are already fatigued and no, it is not the 40 days of January or the pressure of what to do for your many partners during Valentine's. It is the running away from yourself.

We have become social media addicts, people pleasers, busy addicts, sex addicts, and drug addicts because we barely connect with our own selves. Please do not get me wrong, we have been created as social beings and so, by all means, interact with people, and make memories but the problem comes in when you use all these as an escape. Are you really the life of a party and the entertainer of the group or are you avoiding uncomfortable emotions? Are you a logical person in the group or are you just afraid of self-reflection and finding out that you probably have esteem issues, daddy and mommy issues and you were the unloved child growing up? Are you afraid of walking some paths solo because you are afraid that no one will validate you and that is where your ego feeds from? Are you afraid of being vulnerable so you cannot sit down with yourself? Yet, you open up to your friends and they are international reporters reporting on the breaking news. Are you really a clubbing person, player, and bad boy/girl or is it just pressure and fear of missing out?

Knowing better is just not enough; real transformation comes when you do better. This is 2024, and I know that we all have these resolutions, and my hope is that the self-improvement journey is one of them. The process is not always a walk in the park but self-awareness is a lifelong journey and fulfilling. Sitting with yourself will make you realize that some friends need not be in your life. Sitting in silence and walking some journeys solo will make you realize it is just orgasms that have fixated you in a toxic relationship that cannot be saved and you are a walking skeleton because the relationship has sucked you up. Sitting solo to reflect helps you realize that you are probably living someone else’s life and it is draining you. Some of you are just forcing issues to become doctors and get married to a doctor so that each statement you make will be, ‘Daktari and I. You know Daktari took me to the Maldives. Daktari fed me yesterday. Daktari this. Daktari that.’ And all this while there is an artistic side of you that needs to be unleashed. All this time, you are on autopilot because of titles that run in the family. Some of you are toxic to people around you, but you have refused to sit down with yourself and introspect and the statement is always, ‘This is how I am. I can’t change.’ Tell me why you would be toxic and own it and do nothing about it. It is because you are just afraid of being vulnerable.

I know it is pretty hard sitting down with yourself and walking some paths solo but trust me it is necessary. We must start the practice if we want to live different lives. It is not just enough being with people, masking in music and social circles. I know it can be daunting to you especially if you are used to sweeping things under the carpet. I know there is what you call normal to you but probably it isn’t. It is what you find yourself doing. They say the new year brings new things. Well, one can change their lives at any point and if they are intentional. I hope this year makes you get in touch with yourself and make your life better. Fill yourself up with the goodness. You are not curtains that are probably changed once a month and if in some bachelor’s house once a year, you are meant to evolve every day. Take the challenge to walk this path and become a better version of yourself. You deserve to live the best version of yourself. You deserve to live an authentic life. You deserve to live a good life."