Find Your Tribe

 

Photo by Vonecia Carswell on Unsplash

Growing up, I thought everyone who smiled at me was for me, but my mama kept telling me not everyone who smiles at you is really for you. Have a discerning spirit. It could be why they say snakes do not hiss anymore, they call you babe, my one and only, my forever. 

Quality friendships will always override quantity. For crying out aloud it is 2023.  Why are you still chasing the number of friends you have instead of quality. Do you have your tribe, people you can count on, in and out of season? But have you taken time to introspect if you are the right friend? We complain about how people around us are not generous, and do not show up but are you generous, are you showing up? I know the economy is tough, and the mention of generosity makes one think you want to siphon their money but are you generous with your time, words, affection, and ideas? Friendships are reciprocal. 

Who would you call and turn to when at your lowest moments? Who would you share your successes with? Who calls you out of your nonsense? Who mentions your name in places where you are not present? Who reminds you of your worth? Who sometimes hooks you up with another friend when you seemingly cannot find love on your own? Who laughs with you at your silly mistakes and cries? When you have these individuals, they are your tribe. 

You cannot call someone a friend when they are planning for your downfall. You cannot call someone your friend when they act as a self-appointed news anchor to broadcast your story. You cannot call someone your friend when all they become are energy vampires sucking you off your energy. You cannot have a friend who needs help breathing when you succeed. You cannot claim you have a friend who rejoices in your lowest. You cannot be a friend if you have these characteristics. Both of you are venom, destructive to human nature. 

This is a new opportunity to reflect and ask ourselves if we really have a tribe. It is an opportunity to reflect on our friendships. It takes time to build quality friendships, this should help you understand that every individual will fit in a specific circle or cluster. Be selfish to protect your energy and space to know that not everyone qualifies to have access. But, most importantly, learn when someone's season in your life is over. It will save you from the pressure and stress of trying to hold onto something long gone. 

In your tribe, find individuals who will be brutally honest with you, a mentor, confidant, one who is above your level in terms of age, career, and experience, and one who you are at the same level with to encourage each other. I will be honest. It is a selfish world, all about me, myself, and I. We live in a generation where individuals who will call friends are cunning and will not be afraid to step on you or use you to get what they want. We live at a time where our so-called personal person is sick with jealousy, that they cannot mention your name for fear you will excel above them,  we are only trying to make our lives better than yesterday, not competing against you. 

It is time to audit these friendships, strengthen those that need to be, and let go of those that died a long time. Stop watering dead things. But above all, it is time to be the right friend.