The Father's Day

 

Photo by Mohamed Awwam on Unsplash

Father’s Day came and went and with it brought a lot of emotions. The fathers refused socks as gifts and wanted to be treated better. Some fathers really enjoyed their day and were honored by their children.  For some children, it was hard to celebrate the day either because of the loss of a dad or simply because they did not relate to the presence of a dad. I read conversations of men saying they had to run away from their toxic wives resulting in absenteeism. Some single mums celebrated the day as fathers. And finally, the conversation of who to celebrate, the biological fathers or those who raised children? The internet was filled with meme lords with new terms describing the absent fathers like, ‘Happy Athletics Day to Fathers who ran away from responsibilities’ or ‘Father walkers to fathers who walked away.’

With all the hullaballoo and confusion, I saw pain and hurt. The silent pain of some statements was loud. Truth is, fathers give us a sense of identity. They are the first protectors from the world and teach us how to maneuver the world. Ever wondered why you use your father’s name; it is the identity and the pride that comes with it. They are our providers. They teach the boys how to love and the girls how to be loved. We are in a broken world where ego overshadows reason. When parents break up, some fathers demand reconciliation as a condition to provide for their children, while the wife hides the children as leverage. Adults do not realize the trauma and pain inflicted on the children. In my line of work, clients come in, and when we explore the reason for therapy, it usually stems from the father’s wounds and the saddest bit without awareness they bleed on others.

I write to the child whose father walked away. It was not your fault or responsibility. They probably made the choice to or life happened, and it got nothing to do with you. I write to the inner child in adults walking around in suits, well-composed but doubting themselves. It is possible to heal and become aware of your being and recreate a better version of yourself. You can heal from the father’s wounds.

I write to the fathers who have intentionally decided not to be in their children’s lives, you are not punishing your baby mama or ex-wife. You are creating wounds and scenarios of young girls looking for fathers in their romantic relationships. They believe it is their responsibility to save men. They think you did not stay because they didn’t have the strength in their childhood and you wonder why the cycle of abusive relationships continues. You are making your sons doubt their self-worth affecting their relationships and indulging in risky behaviors. All I am saying, you probably need to let go of the side shows and be present. Children do not always remember the big things you did for them; they have a high but they remember the moments of your presence. The days you would affirm them and tell them you loved them. They remember the conversations on how to woo a lady. They remember the walks together. They remember when you took them to school. Some of you are old and frail and trying to make amends for the absenteeism before you leave Earth and that is okay, but why not be present? They will not be children forever, they grow old.

 I write to fathers who have stepped in. You have given your presence and love to children who are not biologically yours. Some of you have been ridiculed by family and friends but you have loved anyway. You have shown the world the beauty of love, protection, and presence. Thank you for the gift of a father. Thank you for mentoring young men and women.