'You Are Strong'- A misused Statement

Photo by Heather Ford on Unsplash

Most of us grew up being told that being strong was the way to go and we loved the statement. We instantly beamed with joy. Something happened and you were told you were strong to handle it. Strength equated to power. I have seen people stay in abusive relationships because of 'strong' What we define as a strong person in our society is not what is defined in the dictionary. Our definition of strong is someone who endures the pain, and suffering and is stuck in something because we think we are converters and can turn people around. 

Being strong in society means sticking in an abusive and toxic relationship because the parents and relatives showed you the patterns. Being strong means showing up even when we cannot show up for ourselves, neglecting ourselves to make others happy. Being strong means neglecting and suppressing your emotions hence some certain statement, 'You always have life figured out.' 'You hold a high position and I do not think you can have any problems. You have your cars, houses, a fat bank account, and good family pictures. What more do you need, strong person?' You are considered strong and can never get in touch with your vulnerability. Are you really strong or is it a misguided version of who you should be? 

We live in a labeling world, and superlatives are the order of the day, and we never bother to seek what is behind the scene. If I may use myself as an example. I am a mum, a psychologist  and founder of an organization and I get offers for consultancies. When I describe myself as an Executive Director, and all the other titles I hold, I get the looks and some verbalizing of how strong I am and a number expressing they want my life. When I express my emotions or experiences that break me, you get the bombastic eye, 'With everything, and how strong you are, how do you go through something like that?' In my mind, I wonder and know if all the titles and achievements were stripped off, I am still a human being with emotions. I am not a robot. 

In our current society 'being strong' is not a compliment. It is a statement to subject you to more pain and pressure. It is a burden. A strong person is burdened with unrealistic expectations to be self-sufficient and unmoved by challenges. A strong person carries the burden of not showing their weakness and most times lack authenticity. A strong person has self-imposed pressure to be strong at the expense of their well-being because they have to show up for others and have an image to protect. A strong woman will break her back as they perfect the art of being a good wife and cannot get a DM to help with house chores. A strong man will perfect the art of masking because they cannot show emotions. 

Before you call someone strong, understand they are humans with emotions, feelings, and vulnerabilities. When you understand this, you will allow people to be people. Are you strong because they told you, you had everything figured out and you don't cry? Is this just a superlative? Allow yourself to become human and get in touch with your humanity.